Kanye and Mentally Ill Creative Artists
Looking back, I always knew there was something about Kanye that...made him very impulsive with his emotions and at times using poor judgment because of it. I never thought much about it, about his being mentally ill, although now I see the signs were there.Who analyzes people for mental illness for absolutely no good reason in their daily lives? That sounds depressing and way too much focus on other ' s behavior. I would rather shrug it off as " well, that was certainly weird " . I can ' t save the world or judge others, let alone be some weirdo trying to warn Kanye he is mentally ill.Yet, again, looki...
Source: bipolar.and.me - December 1, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Pleasant Thanksgiving in Dallas
" Hello " she said, to no one there. That is how I feel when starting a blog entry! I could not be more okay with that - I have to write for myself and not worry about others judging me, as I know those that may read this will do. Again - that is okay. : )Got back from Dallas last night - had a good (dare I say great?) trip! Only big mishap was a stupid medication interaction I had. Imitrex (only 1/8th of a pill!) with Dramamine, the original formula, not the less drowsy kind. I was at Mark ' s parents house in the spare bedroom asleep during Thanksgiving dinner. No complaints really, I d...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 28, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Too Much Latuda = Weird Suicidal Thoughts
When I went to my psychiatrist last week, I told her about my strange thoughts. I was thinking a lot about suicide, but the thoughts seemed to have started not in my mind, but somehow outside of my mind, as a color. I found it hard to describe and probably went on a bit too much trying to describe it as best I could but it really was strange.I used to think in music, for a very long time. For someone who thinks in numbers or has never thought about how they think besides an internal conversation - if there is one or they are aware of one, I often wonder what goes through their mind - how do they think? ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 20, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Trying My Best
In thinking back to that first Vraylar dosage, I do not think I considered everything that happened after I took it.I remember *perhaps* feeling quite relaxed after I took it, but I had a nagging headache, a different kind of headache than one of my thousand types of " regular " headaches I get daily it seems. I was actually so relaxed and a bit sleepy that I had laid in bed.I am not exactly sure how long that lasted, but I do remember thinking I would feel better if that headache went away. I had tried everything, as I usually do. The regulars - Advil, Naproxen and Excedrin Migraine and had waited. Not...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 20, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
New Medication - Vraylar
I saw my psychiatrist today and started a new medication - Vraylar. From how she described it and what I read from patient reviews, I decided to go ahead and take it today around 2:00. I guess that was a mistake?Horrible insomnia, so nauseous, seems like I am being a bit paranoid in my thoughts, and perhaps having kind of creepy thoughts that are unpleasant. I am also noticed I feel really hot since taking it.I did read, and do not know why I dismissed it, on one of the sites that the top two side effects were insomnia and nausea. Oops! I think they may go away eventually I will research it mo...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 18, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Tired of the Suffering
I guess the realization or the hard core depression set in yesterday. I haven ' t wanted to finish my orders and got an unhappy review from a customer. I deserved it. I am not sure why I do not deserve more bad reviews, bad everything.For several days, I have noticed the voice, or maybe it is not really a voice but a sudden knowing but it does not seem like it comes from myself, but something other than myself. I am aware it is in my head, my mind, and I do not mean that to be as if I am making it up, but rather that I am not making it up. That is where the awareness of the intrusion, yet it does n...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 16, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
I Am Processing It...
I feel much better today, but I did take two Adderall, and for some reason that really affects my mood. I still have 14 overdue wreaths, but I started with 28 when my ecommerce site delisted my items. It was a totally positive thing, even though I had already closed my shop.My therapist/psychiatrist fit me in for a therapy appointment last week, I think Friday? It was a much tougher appointment than I have had in a very long time - many years at least. I wish I understood myself better, why some things are harder to talk about or even think about. Why?I was basically freaking out over my anxiety, i...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 7, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Tags: anxiety bipolar disorder election anxiety medication suicide Source Type: blogs
Grief = Anxiety?
After writing my post yesterday, even though I did not want to feel any grief or really anything, it did get me to thinking about the grieving process of losing someone to suicide.I started wondering if my anxiety went from bad to unbearable about the same time I found out about his death, or even if it had gotten worse at all. I asked my husband about it. He did say definitely it had gotten a lot worse, and the timeline sounded right - it was about the same time my anxiety increased. He said he thought that I had been upset that because I had told him I found out that my friend and I had exactly the same me...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 4, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Just...I Don't Know. Interpret As You Will
Right now, it just seems like no one understands me, no one else is going through what I am. I guess I am just really weird, and all alone in how I feel and what I think.Seriously? No one else gets anxious from these horrible political accusations, commercials, doom and gloom messages? The media is the absolute WORST! They make it sound even worse than the candidates, but at least it is missing the sinister tones that flip my stomach over and over.I guess people are for one candidate or the other, and they are only anxious about their candidate not winning or what is being said about them. Yes, I was th...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 3, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Tags: anxiety bipolar disorder nine inch nails suicide Source Type: blogs
Election Anxiety - Feel Like I Will Vomit
It is Thursday, November 3rd, 5 days from the presidential election. I cannot avoid the ads that come without warning on television, the news articles when I just want to check the weather, it is everywhere, the autoplay videos.The " doom and gloom " messages from the candidates - not only what they are saying but mostly the WAY they are saying it makes me so, so anxious. I do not mean garden variety anxiety, which is still awful. I am talking about a Hillary commercial out of the blue when I am watching Cubbie news (I am in Illinois, so yes, it will most likely be Hillary but it does not matter which candid...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 3, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Self Employed But On a Performance Plan
For the past several weeks, I have had *so* much anxiety that it has been extremely hard for me to work. As a result, I have maybe 20 wreaths that are late to be shipped. Very late.I received an email about a week ago outlining the certain things about my shop that were going poorly and needed to change or I would be suspended. I was unsure what " suspended " meant and looked it up on the internet - what it meant for this ecommerce site. " Suspended " means they close your shop permanently (apparently) - not sure. Maybe it depends on the reason.I did not even see nor read that message. OMG.&n...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 27, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Mental Illness for Halloween?
As a disclaimer, I am no fan of the New York Times. Even at this moment I am brainstorming where I can check any of the facts in this article.But the whole idea, and I cannot say it is unfathomable, breaks my heart. It angers me, and lessens my empathy for others. But surely it can not be EVERYONE, right? Or just everyone who has not been touched in some way by mental illness?Who thought this would be scary and FUN???They think mental illness would make a great scary Halloween theme? Reading the article, of the experience one would have, drives my anxiety through the roof. I am not scared, I a...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 26, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Just a Day
Mark and I went for dinner for our anniversary a day early. I found it interesting that I can make a stupid joke, asking for ketchup for my expensive steak, just to be disappointed that I do not even get the tiniest of flinch from the waiter, just a nod and comment that he will get it right away. However, when we have breakfast on Saturday mornings, I always have this craving for mustard on my eggs. OH MY GOD. Why is that such a big deal? Looks of shock and horror, even if it is a waiter I have requested it from before. I am thinking....career waiter and tip amount between the two?Really does ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 26, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Bipolar Disorder Takes a Friend
I can breathe a sigh of relief. I now have all of the medications I need. I no longer think I am headed down a path to the hospital because of a breakdown, as my psychiatrist suggested. She did not know of my medication issue, however. It is really uncomfortable to tell my psychiatrist that " Well...I took too much of this or that so I ran out at least a week ago... " . But then she is left with the impression I am on the edge of...night?My friend committed suicide.I still struggle with the word " friend " . It is as if I never really wanted to admit I had let my heart open up emotionally when...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 24, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Difficult Day - Or Is It How You Deal with It?
The last week (7 days, not M-Su), have been horrible. Yes, others have had much worse weeks, I am positive about that. What am I doing? Why do I downplay how I feel and why? I need to stop comparing myself and my feelings to others, it simply does not matter nor help me.Others seem to have this figured out, but I never have. When I receive a message from someone I do not know, I have no idea that I have received it. This has happened to some extremely important messages - like the one that reconnected me to an entire side of my family that I had not spoken to since I was a child.I removed Mess...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 19, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
