Obsessed - I HAVE to know and I will NOT forget
I am really tired of this presidential election. Maybe not for the same reason everyone else is, but it is very hard for me to read news stories in mainstream media. I have been trying to step back for my own mental health.. Not out of anger, but the anxiety it causes from using fear on both sides to manipulate the American public. Using fear works to manipulate us, so I do not think my self awareness of feeling anxiety when I read political news stories is so strange. Fear causes anxiety - right? I have an anxiety disorder, so I am sure I am more cautious and aware of feeling anxious tha...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 17, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Hoping Things Happen In 3's Is A Myth
What a week! I have been needing to write for some time, but never more than this morning. I need to get this out and hopefully get some of it off of my mind. Writing helps with that so much!I am hoping it is not always true that bad things happen in 3 ' s. I text my psychiatrist/therapist sometimes, and she promises me that things do not happen in 3 ' s.Some background...I missed about a year being locked out of my blog.I had a bad car accident last summer.I cannot remember the date, but according to paperwork, it was in July 2015. It was my fault. I was at a stop sign, in front of a highway-...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 13, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Need to Write
I shouldn ' t go so long without posting, not sure why I have. Perhaps I have not wanted to really examine and analyze what I ' ve been thinking and doing, which writing forces me to do. Now I am so, so busy, yet this is exactly what I need to do right now. I will have to actually schedule time to do it. Yes, life is that hectic. If I am anything, I am not a schedule/rules type of person. I DESPISE any " have to ' s " at an exact time. I avoid living my life that way at all and at every cost possible. (Source: bipolar.and.me)
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 29, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Just Documentation
A quick update on my last post - I confronted Mark on his attitude last weekend the night after the concert, and he was not even aware of the attitude I explained, and right away, he apologized profusely. It was so immediate, I was not expecting that at all, I was expecting some sort of denial. I was really taken aback and did not know how to react or feel. I found myself initially still angry, but then thought...he apologized right away and seemed very sincere - what else could I expect from confronting him? So I kept to myself for a short while and my anger went away quickly.I am pretty lost as to wha...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 26, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Working On Myself, Try Number Two Million and Three
So...I over reacted to our marriage counselor. I was way more irritated that I should have been. Was I irritable to the point of being hypomanic? I am trying to answer that myself. I cannot exactly explain the situation to HER, and I do not want to tell my psychiatrist either. The last thing I want is some medication that will bring me DOWN to depression level when I am not depressed.#1 - There were a few days where I took an extra Adderall because I was freaked out about how much I had to do. #2 - When I increased the Trazadone, the out of this world heartburn caused major anxiety that nothin...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 21, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
I Thought I Could - But Couldn't
I woke up this morning determined to go with my husband to our marriage counseling appointment. I have been ranting and raving about her since our appointment a week ago. After that appointment, I thought I would get over it and just forget it, but I have not. My frustration and irritation - or is it flat out anger? has only worsened day by day.I had made a plan. Before the appointment, no Adderall, no coffee, and klonipin. Zone out the best I could (the medication wouldn ' t do that, but I have had many occasions in the past to get plenty of practice) unless asked a direct question, whic...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 13, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Therapist Is Incredibly Insulting and Annoying
First off, I must address my medication issue. My Zonegran was increased which is *awesome* for my anxiety, but I developed the most AWFUL heartburn. I hurt so incredibly bad and I stopped so many things trying to figure out what it was. Because I was already taking Zonegran and I had been on the same dosage in the past, I did not consider it was that for weeks. I knew that was when it started, but even knowing that, it still did not occur to me. I told my doctor and she changed when I take each pill but I cannot fathom following that schedule right now. How can I not have an aversion to the s...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 11, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Emotional
I have been ****SO**** overly emotional lately. I am not sure if it is justified and normal or if I really am being dramatic and am feeling everything so much more extreme than I should.It is not unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night, and many times I stay up. The night before last, I woke up around 1 or 1:30. I turned on the television, and I have no idea why, but no matter what station we have left the tv on when we turn it off, when we turn it on it is always on CNN. It is the weirdest thing.When I turned on the television that night/morning, it was in the middle of the Dallas poli...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 9, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Forgiving - Not Losing
I think of this quite a bit. I was so angry and hurt by several people, thinking "how could they this or that to me? how can be that way?", feeling so angry towards them. I would have even described them as my "#1 enemy or something of that sort.Who likes feeling that way? I am not good at forgiving at all. I probably hold grudges way too long and in the past it has been pretty much impossible for me to let go.I think a chain reaction began one morning when we were attending church. The whole morning was about "Forgiveness" - the message, the music, there was a very moving video and heartbreak...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 8, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
I Guess An Explanation For My Anger
I saw my therapist/psychiatrist yesterday, and I was chomping at the bit to get out what had been bothering me since last weekend.Tara (she was like a little sister when I lived with her family after my mother had kicked me out) had sent out what I considered a frivolous "GoFundMe" page for $7k in donations. For the record, she received no donations, the group conversation she sent virtually everyone left, and her mother said once she figured out how to deactivate it, she did. I guess I am validating myself - but I am not alone, just saying! I had NO idea why I wnnt from 0 to 100 when I read the description for...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 7, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
How To Save A Life
Being on the other side of suicide - the one who is not suicidal and trying to help someone who is, is not what I thought it would be.I knew my friend was severely depressed, she did not hide it. I cautiously started talking to her, not sure how she would react. I did not know how to ask her THAT question, and so scared I would turn her away and lose her to who knows what. I finally gathered the courage to ask her, but do not remember the exact words I used. I do not know if I said "are you having any thoughts of harming yourself?" or something else more direct. She may have ignored my question comp...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 6, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Reflecting
With my friend recently checking herself into a psychiatric center for severe depression and suicidal thoughts, I cannot help but think of my own experience in the hospital so long ago.It will be 15 years ago on August 5th. How could I have known that in less than one month the terrorist attack now known as 9/11 would have occurred? I wonder what I would have felt and thought about it had I not just been released from the hospital.Since it was so long ago and no, it does not come to mind often, I have had the luxury of time to think about my time spent there. It does surprise me that if I were given a cho...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 4, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Sometimes You Gotta Go with Logic
I had something completely different in mind that I wanted to write about, but now I can't do it. I have to get this out, try to figure it out, vent so that hopefully I will feel better. I absolutely do not understand why I feel the way I do, but I know I have felt it for the exact same reason years ago.I have been thinking a lot about how the anger, if that is what it is, feels, and if it is actually anger. I know that what I feel is completely different than when my husband and I argue or have a fight. It is different than when someone on the news offends me, or when I saw the child at Wal-Mart be...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 3, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Drama - I Hate You, But Come Closer
Mark's parents visited and have now gone. I guess the trip was a "success", as much as it can be. I see now why I get so upset after being with them, even though they appear to be friendly towards me. I am treated like an outsider, yet in a polite way, if that makes any sense. I suppose that is natural - I am not their child, but for me it is a bit different. I do not have my own side of the family with connections. My expectations from them are too high I am sure. I told my sister in law that we are not the In-Laws, we are the Out-Laws. She loved it and feels the same.I talked about it ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 3, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
On The Bright Side...
I suppose I am feeling optimistic and positive today, but I do believe that adversity does make you stronger, or at least shows you just how strong you really are once you are past it. I tend to wallow in "whoa is me" too often, I am sure. How many of those times I should have been able to control it, I have no idea. I know I do not *like* feeling that way, but has it become a habit? Is it a way or an excuse to get out of doing things I do not want to do or have the energy to do? If so, why do I not just do them - get them out of the way? The more I do not do the things I should and need...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 26, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
