To Think That Only Yesterday I Was Cheerful, Bright and Gay
I can't say I was "just fine" because I had slept for several hours this afternoon, having NO energy today. I can always explain things away..."it was because of this", "it was because of that". I do that for EVERYTHING I don't understand. Mark calls them "my stories" because they can be so random about strangers, but doesn't everyone want a reason for things?So I had just woken up, it was around 4:30p, making my second cup of coffee to get some energy, and it just hit. I think my thoughts were in a slow dissension, pondering the reason for this and that for awhile without realizing it, I'm not...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 4, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Identity and Medical Theft
Wow, so not feeling good. I have not felt this amount of panic in so, so long! Yes, my husband is probably right. I've been very "intense" lately. I feel very passionate about things, I guess I am being a bit extreme emotionally. If I'm explaining or describing something to him that at that moment is incredibly important to me and I feel a certain way about it, I don't understand and am not happy if I do not get the reaction out of him that I think he should have. I may be happy one moment, and then just a look on his face can completely deflate me. My moods are VERY irrational rig...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 4, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Another 5k down
I *really* did not want to go, not at all, but I went to the 5k race I had signed up for weeks ago, my husband coming along for the 10k I signed him up for. (Great wife, huh? Ha!) I wasn't feeling it, but as always, I got very anxious and then had diarrhea and it is so incredibly nasty to have that in a portapotty! In case anyone is wondering, no, of course I do not sit down, and it is very...awkward? The ear piece on my ear buds somehow feel INTO the portapotty after I was done and for a brief moment, I looked into that nasty hole to see if I could see it and "fish" it out, but then that idea...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 2, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
*We* ARE The Champions!
This goes out to all the peeps with mood disorders, because it can be hard, but we keep on fighting, day after day, and we are winning, although it doesn't always seem that way."We'll keep on fighting, TILL THE END!" To whomever is reading this with a mood disorder, although I may not know you, I'll always be in your corner. : ) (Source: bipolar.and.me)
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 1, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
A Lot to Deal With, But I Should Probably Count My Blessings
One of my weird symptoms is back, although people can be complete klutz's sometimes; however, everyone knows what is "normal" for them. I fell again, in the same weird way. My feet just came up from under me and I landed on my elbow I think (because it really hurts) on the hard wood floor and started yelling in pain. I chalked it up to the maids just coming that day so maybe the floors were slippery, no clue. But the next day I stubbed my pinkie toe so bad that it was bleeding from the toenail and still really hurts. Great, my race is Sunday with a painful pinkie toe.On their own, big deal, so ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 31, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Is The Mystery Solved? TWIST!
Oh my gosh, someone commented on my blog (TWICE, she took the time to comment about it TWICE) about what they thought was wrong with me from my description, and it is exactly what my family doctor thinks is wrong with me! It was Lynn - I just went and looked! It was like he was in my head, it was really surreal. He kept saying, "Do you have this? Do you feel that?" and it was so weird, like how could you POSSIBLY know that about me? He's pretty certain I have a thyroid problem but I have to wait until Wednesday to go in for a blood test. But it's totally possible I d...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 29, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Caution, pretty gross
I finally made an appointment with my family doctor, today at 1:00pm (unless I cancel which I am notorious for doing these days). The catalyst was not my concern about being tired and sleeping so much, but the fact that when I run really hard, like speed intervals, I...hmmm...I don't know how else to say it but be blunt. I urinate a little and cannot stop it. It wasn't a big deal when I would just have 20 second intervals and the little dribble would last for about a second. But when I did 16 intervals of 8 minutes fast/slow, the 2 minutes of running fast 8 times amounted to a LOT of urine.&nbs...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 29, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
OMG, Hypomanic, But Why Is It So Wrong?
So strange, but I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. How many times has this happened to me now? More than I can possibly count.Mark and I had a 2.5 hour drive to pick up his "toy" he recently bought and had it modified mechanically and a very unique paint job. It turned out above his expectations I think, which are incredibly high, *especially* for cars, I would describe as obsessive even. I'm convinced he has OCD, which he doesn't deny, when it comes to details and could be a blog post by itself. Just like I say it's hard to live with someone with bipolar disorder or depression, it's al...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 28, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I Loathe Having to Get Presciptions!
I haven't posted in over a week, but seriously, I just haven't had the energy or desire to write. I've had so much in my head that I've wanted to get out, but it just wasn't in me.I totally blew off my therapist and psychiatrist visits AGAIN last week. I haven't rescheduled with either yet. I say "blew off", I called to cancel with my therapist an hour before the session, but I was a no show for my psychiatrist. They called about an hour after my appointment time to ask if I was okay and to reschedule. Of course, I let it go to voicemail as I do just about every call. This week, I am get...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 27, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Still Tired, But Better
I feel better but I am still sleeping a lot, have no energy most of the time and am in bed, sleeping or not, a lot as well. It's not that I'm trying to escape anything, I am literally physically drained. It's worse so on days that I run, which is 4 days out of the week. I have actually gotten home from running, made a protein smoothie and been so tired I couldn't even shower first and gotten into bed with my running clothes still on and fallen asleep for a few hours. Yes, incredibly gross to get into bed under the covers after running before you shower, I realize this and am grossed out by it too, b...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 18, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Med Nightmare!
I just went through what someone who depends on medication would consider their worst nightmare! I really have no idea what is going on. My doctor increased my Latuda but the pharmacy wouldn't fill it, they kept saying it was too early but it was a different dosage and I received 3-4 letters from them telling me so. Then Pristiq - they seemingly never got the prescription. WORST NIGHTMARE - RUNNING OUT OF MEDICATION when you you KNOW there are horrible withdrawal symptoms!So yesterday I was out, completely out of samples, nothing was on the way to me (my insurance requires me to use mail order), and I kep...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 13, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Double the Pristiq!
I think I'm slowly climbing out of my hole. The week before last, I had three appointments: therapist, psychiatrist and dog groomer. I cancelled all three, I just could not bear to leave the house, but I did have the courtesy to call and cancel each appointment, even if it was at the last minute. Everyone was incredibly gracious. Last week I FORCED myself to keep my rescheduled appointments. For my dog, I threw on some clothes without showering that morning, and picked him up the same exact way several hours later. I think I went to see the psychiatrist without makeup. I was better...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 6, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Unmotivated
I guess I'm getting better, mainly I feel like I'm drifting through life right now, not doing much. I don't think I'm depressed, I just really don't care about anything. I'm not emotionless, just unmotivated to the point that I can't even care enough to get motivated. Yes, I *want* to be motivated to do things, but what am I doing to get that way? I'm taking my new prescription Prestiq like I am supposed to, but I even cancelled my therapy appointment yesterday. I slept most of the day, even had a chocolate shake because, like I said, I'm unmotivated, I suppose even to stay thin? and just coul...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 25, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
One Day At A Time!
I'm feeling better but I still feel unmotivated. I try to get one thing done every day like go to the grocery store. Do laundry. Today it is fold the laundry. There are things I do every day like make dinner, feed the dog, those types of things but outside of that, I just choose one thing and try to accomplish that. I take a shower every day, fix my hair, put on make up. One day I went to the salon and got my hair colored and cut. That was what I got accomplished for that day. It's really all I can handle. Why am I so unmotivated?However, I have started running again.&n...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 17, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Dog Drama
I dropped my laptop onto the wood floor and am pretty sure I ruined the hard drive. I'm writing this from the Blogger app which doesn't let me see if I have any comments so if I do, I apologize!I think the Pristiq is already working even though this is only the second day. No, I'm not all better, but I'm much happier and more positive, even more social. I must be more pleasant to other people because I've noticed their reactions towards me are different, more pleasant. It's so true, the way you are to others can often times be reflected back to you from them.We have neighbors that live behind us whose dog just loves our do...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 11, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
