Hypomanic, Self Diagnosed.
Okay, I will formally admit it, I am hypomanic. When it's the good kind, I don't want to believe it, but I've been acting SO out of character for me.The first obvious sign was something I've NEVER done before when I'm hypo - start buying tons of stuff without considering our budget. I got an Amazon delivery today, and do you know I had NO CLUE what could possibly be in it? I was almost scared to open it.About the third day in, I confessed to my husband I thought I was hypo and was spending a lot of money which has never been a symptom I've had. He was SO nice about it, I couldn't believe it! H...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 12, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
The Trail and Just Getting It All Out!
I always talk about running on our trail in our neighborhood, so I thought I'd post a few pictures so anyone who cares can see what I see when I run! : )This is the steep hill I talk about training on for elevation. It doesn't look that steep in this picture for some reason, but trust me, it is! Bailey "hamming it up" in his Dad's "toy".So this is the trail, and sometimes I walk Bailey on it. Obviously, this was taken this summer. : )On my street, with Mark and his toy in the far distance. I thought if I posted a picture far away enough no one could recognize him!Again, the trail. It's 7 miles...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 11, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Beginning of working on weight loss - again!
Things with husband are better today, as least *I* feel better, I can't speak for him. It is truly a day-to-day experience with absolutely no predictability.I was so upset last night I ended up taking SEVEN Geoden - a medication that I haven't taken in two years apparently, because that was the date on the bottle. I hate the drug actually - turns me into a zombie and I just sleep and sleep, but that was the goal. I think that taking so many all at once improved my mood today? But he also didn't rant and rave so much either, so who knows, but at least the anxiety and guilty feels went ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 7, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Medication, Take Me Away
I just did something that is probably not so great. I stopped taking Geoden over 2 years ago and I just took 4 of them and considering taking more. I just want my life to go away. No, not suicide, but I would be totally fine if one day I died in my sleep. Can't think of a better way to go.Mark's mid-life crisis is so overwhelming. No, I'm not the one having the crisis but he is so unpredictable, so argumentative, and says hurtful things without realizing it. Other than ranting and raving all the time about how he became a failure and how he has the worst luck in the world and I could jus...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 6, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
How Did It All Start?
Mark's parents are gone, but surprisingly it was a very pleasant visit! I got to know them so much better than I ever have and have a lot of respect for them. I now what good, good people they are with such big hearts. Even more surprisingly, Mark has been a bit bitter towards his parents but he really enjoyed them visiting an as soon as they left, he said he didn't realize how much he had missed them and commented once since then that he really misses his parents. I can't even describe how huge of an about face this is! So...even though I said it was awesome we moved far away and no longer ha...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 31, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
6th Anniversary Today!
Today is our anniversary! 6 years, but we've been together over 16. In 16 years, SO MUCH has happened! Even in the last 6 years! It's amazing to me how people can stay together this long. We've weathered many storms and had some very awesome times together. I wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Yet...even after all this time, I still worry that we will break up one day. Everyone in my life has always gone away eventually, except for this relationship. I've never had any relationship - spouse, friends, family, last this long. And actually, were it not f...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 26, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Easing into LIving with a Man in Mid-LIfe Crisis
I did some research on male mid-life crisis - what it was, how they felt, their typical reactions and what a spouse should do during this time. Yeah, seems like I was saying all the things they said NOT to say. After I wrote my last post, it was maybe a few hours later, my husband called me from work to say how frustrated he was with me. In my opinion, women usually want to "fix" their husband. I want everyone around me to feel good, be happy, and will go to great lengths to do that. Whatever he says he is unhappy about, I have a need to try to give him a new perspective to change his min...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 21, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Husband in MidLife Crisis Rant
Life with my husband is still rocky, but I think I am the only one who sees it that way. He is going through his own emotional crisis and I am just trying to avoid the wrath of the male mid-life crisis. Basically I think I'm trying to avoid him. Being trapped in a car with him is awful. He will start ranting and raving, maybe yelling if you consider being upset and raising your voice and I have nowhere to go with nothing available to distract me. Yes, he's listened to me go on and on about how I feel, but I don't get upset with him when he tries to make me feel better. I appreciate different p...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 15, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Men In Mid-Life Crisis, Not Easy for the Wife, Either.
I'm not doing bad at all - no crying spells, I seem to get happy a normal amount of time. But there IS a problem that I'm not sure how to deal with at this time.I know that in a healthy relationship you are somehow supposed to detach your emotions from your significant other. I don't mean not CARE about them, but not to let them ruin your mood or bring you down. Is that actually realistic? Because I just don't know how to do that and get a tremendous amount of anxiety. I'm the type of person that wants to "fix" everyone.My husband is going through a rough time emotionally right now. He's got a...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 8, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Faking a Smile with a Coffee to Go
I decided not to try not to be a "victim" anymore, It seems like I always feel that this person did this to me and that person did that to me. I sent an email back to the girl I reached out to because I thought she was suicidal and she responded by asking me for money. She actually wrote back and apologized, but now I have NO idea what to say to her. I felt safe in sending that response to her because I had no idea she would respond and apologize, I thought I'd never hear from her again, and now that I have, I'm at a loss. I don't really want to continue the relati...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 30, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
So Many Medication Issues....
I made a really dumb mistake. I *thought* I was being smart by buying little pill boxes and putting morning pills in one and night time pills in the other. The morning pills were just Prestiq, but I added a bunch of stuff like vitamins since I was taking pills anyway.I've been waking up several times throughout the night and had NO idea why I was sleeping poorly lately. This morning I went to take my morning pills and realized what I had been doing. I got the pill boxes mixed up! I don't know how long I've done it, but I've been taking the night ones in the morning and vice versa. The night on...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 20, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Martyrdom is So Overrated
It took about two days for that awful "drugged" feeling to go away after I increased my Latuda. I can feel again, I no longer feel numb or drugged. I don't sleep all day. I *suppose* I'm in a better mood, it's hard to say. I'm just kind of blah, but I really don't have anything right now to be excited about that is happening in my life or that I'm excited about in the future. That's not because of my mood, there just simply isn't anything there. I'm not depressed about that, nothing exciting at the moment is better than being depressed, so much better, so just...blah. Even wit...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 14, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
People Make Me Lonely
Yes, I know I already posted this morning, but sometimes I just have a lot to say!The Latuda increase I took last night has me feeling quite drugged today. I absolutely LOATHE this feeling, of being "zombified", but it's not like a Seroquel or Geoden zombification, much different. My feelings are numbed and I don't like that at all, but perhaps right now that is exactly what I need. Also, this is only day one. I'm sure this is the most extreme I will feel it...right?Even though my feelings are "numbed", that doesn't mean I am not going to get upset. One of the woman's daughters whose hom...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 11, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Had the Dosages Wrong AGAIN!
I got my blood test results - picture of perfect health, so apparently no thyroid problem but I'm going to request a copy. It annoyed me that the nurse called me to give me the results so I then assume my family doctor is now "done" with me because she didn't say anything about coming back in. All of these symptoms he did find so concerning that I didn't even go to him about and he's no longer concerned or wants to find out medically why I have them? I guess he's blowing me off because, you know, I'm "bipolar". That's merely speculation however.So right away I made an appointment with my psychiatris...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 11, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Midwest Suburbs, Different Definition of "Crime"
Yes, Chicago is full of violent crime. I stopped watching the local news not long after I moved here - scared THE HELL out of me. The suburbs, and my suburb, because that is what I pay the most attention to? Very laughable to me. Even my neighbors crack me up. The police are called when they believe what they call a "painter's van" (but from their description, I call it a "rapist's van") is driving down a street slowly. The big "crackdown" over the Labor Day weekend was "Click It and Ticket". Luckily, the police made sure that 81 violent offenders who were driving without a seatbel...
Source: bipolar.and.me - September 5, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
