Shamrock Shuffle!
I whined in my last post about my allergy type symptoms, which are still here the day afterwards, but I never wrote about the Shamrock Shuffle. It was AWESOME! I just loved every single part of it. Because I had not been running as far as I used to about a year ago, I have been running (when I do run), 3.1 miles (5k) instead of what I used to run 3 times a week which was 5 miles (an actual 8k like the Shamrock Shuffle), I assigned myself into the very slowest corral - people who thought they could complete the race with at least an average pace of 15 minutes. If you ran any slower tha...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 8, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Just Whining
We ran the Shamrock Shuffle - an 8k run today with some of Mark's friends. He, of course, had an incredibly fast time that impressed everyone. I was just happy that I finished all five miles without having to walk to rest at all during the run. But I keep fighting all of these doctors about what happens to me when I do intense cardio. I get these bad allergies, similar to a bad cold, but I know I'm not sick, it's just what always happens in certain situations. I would run MUCH MORE OFTEN if this didn't happen so many times when I run, but then I feel sick the rest of the day and it just ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 8, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Weight Loss And Weight Ramblings
I've felt better, much better the last few days. The irritation has subsided, mostly. I'm still taking two Lamitcal daily instead of one which I will continue to do for awhile, although I have no idea if it has had time to have had any effect on me whatsover. I don't really care either way, I just want to feel and be better and that is one thing that has worked in the past so I will continue to do it.Friday was my weigh day, and I was shocked to see I had lost another 3.1 pounds! I am so surprised that the weight loss is really not slowing down at all. So in about seven weeks I've lost a...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 7, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Hypomanic - Irritation Go Away!
So...I'm almost positive I'm hypomanic - the incredibly irritated kind, not the "spring fever" kind. I mentioned it to my husband last night and he said he had noticed I had been agitated for the past few days as well. The last time I was like this was I think exactly this same time last year (I could check in my blog if I was so concerned), so maybe it's seasonal. I had gotten a speeding ticket in my own neighborhood because the neighbors had complained that people were driving too fast (the cop told me) and I was convinced the neighbors were focused on me. I just knew they were watching ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 4, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I Need To Chill, But I Do Have a Point!
Oh my gosh, I am so freaking irritated! Just *everything* irritates me, I can hardly stand it! What someone says, or what they do NOT say. What they do or do NOT do, it doesn't matter. Roll the dice, pick anything and it will drive me insane no matter which way you turn, go, say, do. I'm not even thinking of anything in particular right now but I feel so wound up and freaking annoyed!The first time I really, really noticed it, and maybe it was the trigger to what was already a perfect storm was seeing this card online made by I assume an obese woman that could be purchased by people to give to...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 4, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Cut Out Another Person!
I realize I don't let people into my life. I don't tell them anything personal about myself. No friends or family know I'm bipolar. No friends or family know I'm having a hysterectomy. They know hardships from a over a decade ago, but maybe since I was hospitalized in 2001, and I can't think of any other reason or when it started exactly, I've kept everything that was difficult to myself. Maybe that's hindered my ability to connect with people on a deep friendship level, not divulging current personal struggles or pain. I just feel I have so many secrets that people wouldn't understand, ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 2, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Just Trying To Get Through It All!
Now I see my fear about telling my new family doctor that I had only seen once that I am bipolar on medication was unfounded. He is *so* nice and understanding. I'm sure he would have appreciated knowing the first time I went, but he didn't say that, just that he knew it was uncomfortable to talk about. He also helped me understand so many things that so called specialists never explained to me. I told him how I had been diagnosed with asthma (cough variant) and why I didn't think I had it, and he explained from my symptoms how that was indicative of it and why. Since I'm extremely allergic to...
Source: bipolar.and.me - April 2, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Happy Easter! Or Whatever You Choose To Celebrate! : )
It's Easter, and I've been feeling so much better the last few days. The weather has been sunny, warmer, and my mood has changed as well. I got some things done - unpacked some boxes around the house, finally listened to the message on my phone from the hospital, scheduled an appointment with my doctor, although I rescheduled it for Monday because of cramps, but still - I'm no longer in "escape mode"!It's strange, some days are brighter, they actually seem to have hope, life is worth living and experiencing, not just existing and wishing the world away. Could it be the weather? Could it be the ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 31, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Space Out
I'm in some kind of mode that I've been in before, where I don't want to face situations so I put them off, ignore them, pretend they don't exist. But of course they do, and I will pay for it later, it just seems overwhelming right now.When I was much younger and living on my own, I didn't want to deal or think about money. I just pushed it out of my mind, didn't open bills, maybe didn't check my mail for periods at a time, and then I would come home and the electricity would be off. I'd have to scramble through all the unopened bills to find the cut-off electricity bill and hurry to pay it so it could be...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 28, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Date Set
I have a date for my hysterectomy - April 19th. I'm unsure if I can go through with it. It seems all too unreal, I can hardly wrap my brain around it. The doctor's office just talks like it's an every day situation and yes, I'm sure to them it is and it's not a big deal to them, they are just reciting what they tell women every week about a liquid diet the day before surgery, blah blah, but to me, it's a freaking big freak-out deal. I really am just going to have to not think and dwell on it. That's a little less than a month away which could either be weeks to get completely frantic...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 26, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
What Is Wrong With Me....
I'm not doing well. I'm not quite sure what happened, but maybe it has something to do with dropping out of school and planning to enroll in a school that was closer only to go to the doctor and decide to have surgery and skip a quarter. But now I'm not getting a call back as to a surgery date and my life is up in the air with no purpose, meaning, nothing to look forward to, I'm currently not aspiring to do or be anything.Today I needed to leave the house for two reasons: I had a grooming appointment for my dog, and we need groceries. I managed to do neither. I rescheduled the appointment and ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 25, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Decision Made, Let's Go Already!
After doing a lot of research on the internet and considering all of the problems I've had and all of the surgeries I've already had and each time everything grows back by my next yearly appointment, I decided to go ahead and get a hysterectomy. Maybe I could shop around and find a doctor who would prescribe birth control pills, but I think I've come to a point where I just want all of this to go away and not deal with it ever again as long as I can keep my ovaries so I don't get a hormonal imbalance. I called the scheduling nurse when I made the decision, and when I made such a monumental decision li...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 23, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Big Decision....
I went to a new GYN this morning and got news that I guess I was expecting. It's not something that my old OB/GYN hadn't recommended to me in the past. I have a lot of pain and heavy bleeding during that time of the month because of fibroids and endometriosis (after two surgeries of removing them and them coming back), so he recommended a hysterectomy. Of course, just like in the past, I said "no way, what are my other options?' While I don't intend on getting pregnant and having a child, just the idea freaks me out. Mark has had a vasectomy anyway. But then...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 20, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Life in Transition!
I made a big move. I dropped out of the school I was attending. I was on my way home from school on Monday and I looked at my GPS and noticed the arrival time to my house was 5:45. I thought back to when I left school - 3:30, that's when I actually left the building and started walking towards the train station. Then I thought about when I left home to go to school - 9:45. That's to catch the 10:28 train that, after my mile long walk to school, gets me there around noon. I eat lunch, practice for about an hour or hour and a half, then have two classes, but only one and a half hours of di...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 14, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Healing
Thursday I did as the doctor ordered - mental and physical rest - and it was so incredibly boring! I took Motrin as he had suggested opposed to Advil, and found that it worked for my awful headaches so I felt fine. I think I've taken a total of two hydrocodone, I actually didn't need it. I was by myself all day but emotional and I'm not quite sure why. I would have short bouts of crying fits and then it would be over. The day before I did really stupid things like searched the house for my keys for about an hour until I found them still in the front door.So after feeling fine all day, Mar...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 10, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
