3/28/18: What is a Narcissist Exactly?
It ' s a cloudy, rainy, cold Tuesday and I ' m home by myself with my dog Bailey. In other words, a normal day for me in the Chicago suburbs during the week. I hate it here. Today ' s weather suits how I feel about myself, the last 20 years of my life, my marriage, my life right now as it is.Mark, my hopefully very soon to be, is an non-diagnosed narcissist unless you include myself and a few that know him through me. The idea that he is a narcissist would never have come for me. I wouldn ' t have considered that in a million years, but I did not know what a narcissist was. Even if I had...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
3/27/18: How the End Began
This is one of the most difficult times for me possibly in my life? How do you judge that to know for sure though, when you cannot remember how you felt exactly at certain times that you know were hard times? Is it how I am able to cope with a situation that makes it one of the most difficult times, or is it the actual event?The actual event is now. The ability to cope would have been in August 2001 when I checked myself into the psychiatric ward, but that was chemical, I guess? Starting off on a positive...I have been going through a divorce since August 2017. Although I did not ask for it no...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 8, 2018 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Life Updated
I have so much to say, I don ' t even know where to start. I guess it ' s two months into the divorce proecss? I would need to check. Mark and I were on speaking terms but now not so much. He is gone a lot and I have no idea if he is having an affair. The strange thing is that I don ' t seem to really care, only glad when he is gone. I did cry last weekend when I thought he had been having one before he asked for a divorce. I am pretty much okay and then something will happen and I will get upset or depressed for a little while.I am ready to start a new chapter, a new life. M...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 21, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Life Updated
I have so much to say, I don ' t even know where to start. I guess it ' s two months into the divorce proecss? I would need to check. Mark and I were on speaking terms but now not so much. He is gone a lot and I have no idea if he is having an affair. The strange thing is that I don ' t seem to really care, only glad when he is gone. I did cry last weekend when I thought he had been having one before he asked for a divorce. I am pretty much okay and then something will happen and I will get upset or depressed for a little while. I am ready to start a new chapter, a new life.&n...
Source: bipolar.and.me - October 21, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Let Me Be Myself
I never thought it would happen, but realistically, I can ' t believe it hasn ' t happened already. Mark wants a divorce. And I am not really fighting him. Seems like the laws in Illinois could protect me financially, at least keep me afloat so I am not below the poverty line.I was a horrible wife. Was it on purpose? He was not there emotionally and I really needed him to be. I was isolated and he made it worse. But is that his fault? No empathy, as a matter of fact, blaming me for things.I know why I always said sorry - trying to make up for him being miserable all the time. Th...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 29, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Today is the greatest day i've ever known.
Last night was my first night not taking Trazadone, but not by choice. My psych wrote my prescription wrong and I did not realize it so I ran out early. At first I panicked when I realized I was going to run out, although I noticed right away I was way short. Today is only the first morning without it and the first day on Adderall without having it for about a week, so it is hard to say how I will feel without it. I do not think I slept much if at all last night.I am really, really behind on my Amazon orders and not sure if they are going to drop me, but the past is the past and all I can do is go forwa...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 1, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Today is the greatest day i've ever known.
Last night was my first night not taking Trazadone, but not by choice. My psych wrote my prescription wrong and I did not realize it so I ran out early. At first I panicked when I realized I was going to run out, although I noticed right away I was way short. Today is only the first morning without it and the first day on Adderall without having it for about a week, so it is hard to say how I will feel without it. I do not think I slept much if at all last night.I am really, really behind on my Amazon orders and not sure if they are going to drop me, but the past is the past and all I can do is go forwa...
Source: bipolar.and.me - August 1, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
It's a Start to Catching Up
There have been so many things to process that I have not wanted to that I have avoided not writing. As I write, it forces me to really think about what I am writing, to process it in order to put it into words and there have been times when it has been difficult and painful, although incredibly insightful.On Easter, I found out that my grandma on my dad ' s side had gone into a sort of coma. I am not clear exactly on the details although they were explained to me in a second hand way to my two non medical aunts who tried to repeat what they thought they were told and remembered. It was also told to me delic...
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 9, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
It's a Start to Catching Up
There have been so many things to process that I have not wanted to that I have avoided not writing. As I write, it forces me to really think about what I am writing, to process it in order to put it into words and there have been times when it has been difficult and painful, although incredibly insightful.On Easter, I found out that my grandma on my dad ' s side had gone into a sort of coma. I am not clear exactly on the details although they were explained to me in a second hand way to my two non medical aunts who tried to repeat what they thought they were told and remembered. It was also told to me delic...
Source: bipolar.and.me - May 9, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
This Will Be On Your Permanent Record
I wanted to mention one more thing, and it has been weighing heavily on my mind.When my mother passed away, I did a background check on her husband as I did not know her cause of death. With the company I wanted to use, I purchased a one month unlimited person search, and for some reason I still have the unlimited search function.ANYWAY! I do not think it is weird at all that I would do a background check on an ex boyfriend that I had filed charges against for domestic assault. There were three charges and the district attorney wanted to prosecute one as a felony (adding the assault was with a deadly weapon,...
Source: bipolar.and.me - February 28, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
This Will Be On Your Permanent Record
I wanted to mention one more thing, and it has been weighing heavily on my mind.When my mother passed away, I did a background check on her husband as I did not know her cause of death. With the company I wanted to use, I purchased a one month unlimited person search, and for some reason I still have the unlimited search function.ANYWAY! I do not think it is weird at all that I would do a background check on an ex boyfriend that I had filed charges against for domestic assault. There were three charges and the district attorney wanted to prosecute one as a felony (adding the assault was with a deadly weapon,...
Source: bipolar.and.me - February 28, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
Closed Shop - Opening A New Chapter
I get so anxious for no reason sometimes. We did not get into a fight after I wrote that last post, but I completely understand why he was so upset about work, as well as understand why I would be anxious. I need to work on that about myself and have been - trying to be more in the moment. Obviously I have a LOT of work to do.I was so sedated being on 100mg of Topomax that I cut the tablet in half and am now just taking 50mg. I need to text my psychiatrist and tell her that I have done that. I have a lot more energy now.I told the ecommerce site yesterday that I wanted to close my shop. The or...
Source: bipolar.and.me - February 28, 2017 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs
