New Item On The Menu: Pristiq
I saw my psychiatrist this afternoon - she has the most ADORABLE and sweetest "therapy dog". I just want to pet and love on her the whole time I am there! As soon as I get there and bend down to pet her, she rolls over on her tummy for a belly rub! How trusting is that? I wish I could be so trusting - just roll over onto my most vulnerable side to anyone that tried to touch me! Hmm, doesn't sound quite right coming from a human, though. You get the idea.She put me on an anti-depressant, Pristiq. She started to put me on Effexor - she asked if I had been on it before because m...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 10, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I Just Want To Sleep
Wow, I thought I was getting better, now here it is Tuesday and I'm a slobbering, crying mess again. I just sit here, listening to nothing, the television isn't on, no music, all I hear is whatever sounds may or may not be coming from outside, stare at the walls, and think, think, think. How strange is that? But I don't want to do anything but that or sleep. I really want to crawl back into bed and sleep, I feel physically and mentally exhausted, I want it all to go away, but I have a psychiatrist appointment this afternoon and I can't miss it. I was just there a week ago but I guess she isn't...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 9, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Progressing - Slow and Steady
After being SO incredibly depressed and now back on my medication, actually increasing the dosage of two of them, I'm feeling a whole lot better. It's not been that long, I suppose two weeks since I ran out of Lamictal because I was an idiot.I guess that proves I truly do have a chemical imbalance, not that I wasn't already sure of it. And that I am taking the right medications. There are countless times I have tried numerous medications and had to stop because they had horrible side effects or made me eat everything in the house (which is a horrible side effect as well) or sometimes just d...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 8, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I'm Just a Little Unwell, But Doing Great!
I'm feeling SO much better! And to think, just a few days ago I was looking up lethal dosages of all of my medications, crazy! I'm not 100% - yesterday I couldn't find the word "reputation", I'm still having memory issues. I'm still a bit emotional, but overall, a huge, huge improvement.The changes I've made was getting back on Lamictal after running out, my psychiatrist increasing the dosage of Lamictal as well as Latuda, I've stopped drinking, not that I drank much anyway, but in no way do I want any form of depressant to enter my body, and today, for the first time in a few months, I ran! It felt...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 5, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Just Trying to Keep Up!
I saw my therapist yesterday, and as I was talking, she asked me to open up my notepad on my iphone and write down things to tell my psychiatrist when I saw her as we were talking. They work closely together, respect each other's work a lot, and when I tell them one of them has told me one thing and to tell them that, they take it seriously, or they ask me what did the other say when I tell them something. Not about EVERYTHING, just once in awhile.So, because I have a horrible memory right now and have absolutely NO CLUE what she told me to write down in therapy, I will open up notepad and see what she told me ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 4, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Alone
I woke up this morning and yes, I feel sad, but more importantly, I don't feel a connection with anyone, just really, really alone with my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes a person here and there I will share a bit of myself, but I always feel like I've revealed too much and if anything goes wrong in that friendship, it is because I am such a weirdo. I think people can relate to me and might say something hoping they can, wanting validation for how I feel, when really, maybe they just don't get it at all. Perhaps I'm too intense, too emotional, too depressed. So...it really is better not to let people see that side of me, ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 3, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Just, wow, I don't know.
I got an email from the one person in Chicago I thought I had made friends with - I was actually friends with her outside of my husband, even though it was my husband's friend's girlfriend. I knew there was a very good chance they would breakup, but why couldn't we be friends? Why would that matter?So I haven't kept in touch with her since I cancelled on her the night after the Ravinia when I was in bed from my massive hangover - the four of us were going to do something together and I couldn't. I was so sick. It took me two days to get over that! Then the Lamictal withdrawals, I've been ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 3, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Music That Never Goes Away and What Do I Not Know!!!
I've had this problem in my head (well, obviously, but not what you're thinking) ever since I can remember, and I assumed everyone had it as well. But lately, it's gotten pretty bad, and I asked my husband if he experienced what I did, and he said no.All of the time, I mean all of the time, music is going on in my head. But it's not always a song I just heard, it can be COMPLETELY random, and I always wake up with a VERY random song in my head. I remember a long time ago, I would try to dictate what song I woke up to and tried to fall asleep listening to that song. It never worked. For some re...
Source: bipolar.and.me - July 2, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Strange, strange symptoms/withdrawal effects/Clueless!!!
My brain is still really foggy, I guess, and it's so strange because I can't tell. You don't know what you don't know, right? I suppose I'm still recovering from the Lamictal withdrawal. If it's in my system, why is it taking so long? Or is this depression related also? I have no idea, absolutely none.I've always found it difficult to use Mark's radio in his car, flipping through his mp3 songs, and as I once again struggled to figure out how to find the song I wanted, I said "this is NOT very"...and then I couldn't think of the word I've said so many times when complaining about his system.&nb...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 30, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Better, But It's a Long Road I Think
I think I'm slowly feeling better. One day at a time. Actually, one minute at a time, one second at a time, one hour at a time - you get the picture. I can be pretty happy one minute, the tiniest thing will happen and completely deflate my mood and those old, sad thoughts and feelings will start creeping in. I have absolutely no idea if I'm anywhere close to being back to my normal self, or what my normal self even is. When I ran out of Lamictal, I didn't know I was acting strangely for days although everyone around me saw it - even strangers who had never met me - so now I feel like I can...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 29, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Psychiatrist Appt, and the Cycle Continues
I saw my psychiatrist last night - she was SO nice, she fit me in, the same day, at 8:00p. She increased my Latuda and we went over what she wanted me to take as far as the Lamictal increase. I have no idea why, but it was very hard for me to understand. She was telling it to me, but I couldn't comprehend it. She wrote it down for me, and I read it, and I still wasn't getting it. She had written it down two different ways, so she crossed out one of the ways and had me read it back to her, and then I thought I understood. Something so simple, reading the dosage amounts of medications to t...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 28, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Okay, So I'm Depressed, I Get That Now.
Since my last post, I guess what I wrote towards the end, I've been crying and I just can't stop. Is therapy really a good thing? To hear things about yourself that you really don't want to hear, that make you sad, that you don't want to believe, like someone telling you that you're too hard on yourself when you don't think you're hard ENOUGH on yourself and you don't want to ease up even more than what you already are?I'm already a loser, I'm too hard on myself, seriously? How could a loser possibly be too hard on themselves? Shouldn't they be more hard on themselves to get it together? I jus...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 27, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I Just Don't Know What To Title This
I saw my therapist yesterday and just started out by telling her I didn't think I was doing well. I mean, I'm not that I'm depressed really, I just...I have no motivation, I'm so tired, emotionally, physically, I can't always think properly, I'm not interested in much, and I didn't tell her this, but all of this lack of motivation makes me very anxious, yet...I don't have enough motivation even with having anxiety about it to do anything.I JUST started returning phone calls from people that had been calling me on Monday. I wasn't even listening to voicemails. I couldn't deal with it. The Pella sales...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 27, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
I'm so tired...
Once again, I'm left with a big question mark about what is wrong with me. I am so very tired, I can go to bed and sleep for hours during the day - to the point where I wake up during a dream, and that is so NOT LIKE ME. Even after my surgery, I would get tired and would WANT to go to sleep, but could not. I would think it would be good for me, go to bed and just lay there, not able to sleep.But since I ran out of Lamictal for 3-4 days, however long it was and started back again, then went out and drank too much that I was vomiting and had a hangover until 5pm the next day, then slept the whole NEXT day, ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 24, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Where Do People Go?
I've often wondered why people with depression or bipolar disorder don't keep blogs. Yes, there are a LOT of blogs by people with depression or who have bipolar disorder, but they don't keep them. Eventually the vast majority get abandoned. I used to keep a blogroll of my favorite blogs about people's personal journeys through their mental illnesses, but I was constantly having to remove people because they would stop writing.In the beginning, I would really worry about it. What happened to these people? Were they okay? I would send emails to the addresses they listed in their blogs and ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - June 24, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
