Need To Make My Blog Private, Hopefully for a Short Time
So...I'm going to have to make my blog private, at least for now, for a very good reason. Mark is in the interview process at another company for one of the "Chief of..." positions and if anyone would find my blog and figure out who I am, which might not be hard at all because all I have said and I even use his name, it could definitely be the reason for him not getting the job. Even if he doesn't get it, it is probably just the beginning of interviews with other companies for a similar type role.He actually asked me to do this and feels really terrible about it, but I had already thought of it before he asked.I may ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 17, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
All About Weight
I started feeling very frustrated yesterday. I felt like no one really listened to me and it hurt my feelings although now looking back, it's not really true, yet my feelings were so hurt. I don't think I've been as nice to Mark and giving him a hard time for things he doesn't deserve. When I feel so frustrated, I actually do know that what I feel is way overblown and not rational, yet the fact that I do know this does not change the way I feel and the incredible urge to lash out.I'm pretty sure I know what is causing this. I didn't feel this way at all until yesterday, and coincidentally just three days ago I started taki...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 14, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Picture Time!!!!
Since I have been home alone for quite awhile, my dog is absolutely my best friend. They say dogs get separation anxiety, but I think I get it worse when I have to leave him than he does! He was a rescue dog, and the stickers that say "Who rescued who?" is very true in my case. He was a present for Valentine's Day three years ago, and Mark and I both know he will never be able to outdo the Bailey gift!:)Here are some pictures of my little guy (6 pounds) and goofy ones of me that I send to my husband "trying" to be sexy but he just laughs and says that is so not me to do that. Does trying count?:)Bailey LOVES watching telev...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 12, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Alcohol - A Blessing and A Curse
I did it *again*! I think it's been less than a year since last time. We went to a really nice dinner with four other couples that are Mark's friends from work, and I was having a BLAST! Everyone was talking, in a great mood, laughing, it was just awesome. Plus - I'm not around people very often and I'm an over extravert, so being around people energizes me, opposed to introverts who need to rest after socialization.But here is the problem. I have practically zero tolerance to alcohol. I can drink light beer or perhaps two glasses of wine, and that is where I should stop. I'm ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 11, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Simple Enough Goals You Would Think
I just got over being sick, or at least am much better. Stupid asthma and bronchitis! My doctor put me on prednisone, a steroid. All the side effects he said I would have, it turned out to be completely opposite. He said I would feel cranked up, but I felt extremely weak. Not cranky like he said, but a bit more aggressive than normal. And these weird hot flash sensations. Not looking forward to menopause, that was uncomfortable!My mood seems to be better. I took myself down from 80mg of Latuda to 40 because I was wondering if that had increased my appetite so drastically. I have probably gained 15-20 pounds now and really,...
Source: bipolar.and.me - March 7, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Trying to Overcome
My husband gave me an iPad for Valentine's Day and I'm trying to get used to the keyboard so I am begging for patience!I traded in my car for a Range Rover Sport. It's absolutely ridiculous when you get stuck in snow half a block from your house because the roads haven't been plowed yet!My therapist is doing phone sessions with me now. I had my first one last week and today will be my second. It helps tremendously talking to someone who understands and gives suggestions. One suggestion was light therapy so I bought one of those things that reminds me of a very bright lite-brite but have only used it once.I asked my husband...
Source: bipolar.and.me - February 15, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
What's Wrong With Me?
Sorry I have been away, all is not great right now but all is not lost, if that makes sense. I keep trying to figure out WHAT has got me in this funk, but when my mind tries to pin it on something, later I realize that's not it. I have no explanation except to chalk it up to my chemical imbalance.I have been totally unmotivated to do anything (like write in my blog), am very anti-social and do not like leaving the house. I have missed numerous appointments I've made with just about every sort of service simply because I can not make myself leave the house. It's not anxiety about ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - February 4, 2014 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Thanksgiving
and the weekend turned out, surprisingly, to be quite enjoyable! On Thanksgiving, I prepared the meal for Mark and I, with everything completely homemade. I like making things that way so I know EXACTLY what I am eating. It probably takes a little more time and needs more ingredients, but I picked fairly simple dishes aside from the turkey.Friday we flew to Texas to spend the weekend with Mark's parents and family. I admit, I wasn't looking forward to it but not completely dreading it, either. The hardest part was probably my dog. He did NOT like being in his carrier and even though I h...
Source: bipolar.and.me - December 3, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Thanksgiving Coming Up....
A few days ago I noticed this really dark red blood on the tip of my little white dog's penis. I panicked - he had blood in his urine? I looked it up online and became more distraught - every cause was something terribly horrible. It was a Sunday and I was prepared to rush him to the vet as soon as he could get in on Monday.But I went outside with him and watched him urinate. Totally normal - no blood at all, and if he was bleeding that super dark red blood, I couldn't have missed it even if I wanted to. And other than the dark red blood on the tip of his little penis, he's totally fine - no acciden...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 26, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Anxiety - Interesting Suggestion
I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and told her I was doing really, really well, probably 1000% times better, but I have a lot of problems with anxiety. It can overwhelm me at times. She did increase my Latuda by 40 more (milligrams?) and said to take the extra in the morning, but what she really suggested in addition was to do yoga or meditate, learn how to bring my thoughts into the present. She was totally right - my anxiety comes from worrying about the future or the past, so she said I needed to learn how to bring my thoughts into the present. I thought that was a most excellent idea, especially si...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 23, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
No Dogs Allowed
I'm in the process of enrolling for school and getting my transcripts sent to my new school to start in January. I'm pretty excited except for one thing. I have never been able to pass College Algebra - I think I've taken it 3 times now and have dropped pretty close to the last day before I got an F. This time I don't care - even if I squeak out a D-, at least it will be in the past and I'll never have to deal with it again. That is SO not how I used to be. I have withdrawn from so many classes because I didn't think I would get an A. Looking back, that was really stupid. Who knows...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 21, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Polka Dot Pigs = Mania
Chicago has some of the strangest art. Luckily these particular pieces of art answered a question that has plagued me for quite some time. What would human sized pigs look like with polka dots? I finally know. : )But a question remains. What is the artist trying to say with the polka dot pigs? What gave the artist the idea to make polka dot pigs? Why did Chicago think it was so interesting to put it on display in the middle of the city? What is the meaning?? People are pigs? With polka dots? Do not eat pork?I am guessing the artist was bipolar. Only a manic ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 19, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Gala!
We went to a gala for charity for the "arts", and I never knew a gala could be so much fun! I thought people would be stuffy and snobbish, but no, not at all! There was an incredible performance, then cocktails and dinner. Mark knew *so* many people there, and I even knew a few as well. He works with some very, very nice people. I think it's living in the Midwest - people are more genuine and nice here but he thinks I'm wrong.Mark would introduce me to someone and we'd all talk for awhile, and if I didn't recognize their name I would ask him where were they from and what did they do - how did ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 17, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
Therapist's Verdict
My therapist called and asked if I could come in at 5:30 last night, so I jumped at the chance! I wanted to figure out what my deal was.I've never had the "spending symptom" of mania (hypomania) before, so I totally didn't understand what exactly it was. I just thought it was spending too much money and out of character. She asked several questions about it and things I hadn't considered. She said all of my purchases had a PURPOSE, not like buying jewelry and purses, etc. Yes, I was buying things for the house and mostly for Christmas. Secondly, my spending was mostly on e...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 14, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
New Path?
SOME of my purchases were delivered yesterday - SIX! And I know there are so many more on the way! As I was opening them, I felt so much regret, I felt like an idiot, wasting all that money and didn't have any excitement whatsoever about each thing. As a matter of fact, I was thinking I couldn't believe spent so much money on junk.Mark called when I was upset about it, and as soon as he heard my voice, because spouses just know each other that well, he knew I was sad. He asked if I was and I told him yes, but at that time I hadn't figured out the reason why yet, I just thought the feeling came over me for ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - November 13, 2013 Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
