To Think That Only Yesterday I Was Cheerful, Bright and Gay
I can't say I was "just fine" because I had slept for several hours this afternoon, having NO energy today. I can always explain things away..."it was because of this", "it was because of that". I do that for EVERYTHING I don't understand. Mark calls them "my stories" because they can be so random about strangers, but doesn't everyone want a reason for things?So I had just woken up, it was around 4:30p, making my second cup of coffee to get some energy, and it just hit. I think my thoughts were in a slow dissension, pondering the reason for this and that for awhile without realizing it, I'm not sure. But as the second cup of coffee was brewing, it hit. A wave of depression then weeping so intensely that I had to fight myself not to collapse on the floor and put my head in my hands and just cry and cry. I opted for putting my head in my hands on the kitchen counter, but stayed standing up crying as if someone I loved had died. I felt so defeated. But at least I hadn't completely given in - sitting on the hard kitchen floor which seemed so desperate to me and I did not want to sink to that level. I guess I had *some* fight left in me? Or maybe it was just the refusal of an action and means absolutely nothing. Sitting, standing, what is the difference?I suppose I could go into a litany of why I feel what I do, but does it matter? My circumstances today are the same as the...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs
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