To Think That Only Yesterday I Was Cheerful, Bright and Gay

I can't say I was "just fine" because I had slept for several hours this afternoon, having NO energy today.  I can always explain things away..."it was because of this", "it was because of that".  I do that for EVERYTHING I don't understand.  Mark calls them "my stories" because they can be so random about strangers, but doesn't everyone want a reason for things?So I had just woken up, it was around 4:30p, making my second cup of coffee to get some energy, and it just hit.  I think my thoughts were in a slow dissension, pondering the reason for this and that for awhile without realizing it, I'm not sure.  But as the second cup of coffee was brewing, it hit.  A wave of depression then weeping so intensely that I had to fight myself not to collapse on the floor and put my head in my hands and just cry and cry.  I opted for putting my head in my hands on the kitchen counter, but stayed standing up crying as if someone I loved had died.  I felt so defeated.  But at least I hadn't completely given in - sitting on the hard kitchen floor which seemed so desperate to me and I did not want to sink to that level.   I guess I had *some* fight left in me?  Or maybe it was just the refusal of an action and means absolutely nothing.  Sitting, standing, what is the difference?I suppose I could go into a litany of why I feel what I do, but does it matter?  My circumstances today are the same as the...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Mental Illness Source Type: blogs