Forgiving - Not Losing

I think of this quite a bit.  I was so angry and hurt by several people, thinking "how could they this or that to me? how can be that way?", feeling so angry towards them.  I would have even described them as my "#1 enemy or something of that sort.Who likes feeling that way?  I am not good at forgiving at all.  I probably hold grudges way too long and in the past it has been pretty much impossible for me to let go.I think a chain reaction began one morning when we were attending church.  The whole morning was about "Forgiveness" - the message, the music, there was a very moving video and heartbreaking testimony.  That is why I say an entire morning - they really tried to bring the message home.For me, it did.  I could not hold my tears back, and actually sobbed through most of it.  I was so tired of holding on to hate and anger, and what was it doing for me? There is a song I found (or was it sung that day?) that described EXACTLY how I felt.  If I forgave, or said that *I* was sorry, then I would feel like I was the one who was losing...again.  It really had not been in me to forgive.We left church, and although I did not exactly try to shake the feeling, it stayed with me but I was not quite sure what to do with it.I had several people I was carrying anger towards.  Of course my mother, and I struggled with that one.  I *think* I have forgiven her, but it was a struggle.  I decided in the end that just because...

Source: bipolar.and.me - July 8, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs