Tired of the Suffering

I guess the realization or the hard core depression set in yesterday. I haven ' t wanted to finish my orders and got an unhappy review from a customer. I deserved it. I am not sure why I do not deserve more bad reviews, bad everything.For several days, I have noticed the voice, or maybe it is not really a voice but a sudden knowing but it does not seem like it comes from myself, but something other than myself. I am aware it is in my head, my mind, and I do not mean that to be as if I am making it up, but rather that I am not making it up. That is where the awareness of the intrusion, yet it does not seem like an intrusion, is.It is a foreign, although comforting and not unwanted knowing that I can end it whenever I want. It calms me and makes me feel better at that moment. Usually it is just to get through that day until the next.Yesterday it was more vivid, it was a color, a very calming, soothing color. It was not a " vision " , that is just how it showed up in my mind. I am not sure if " it " had a voice or if it was a " knowing " . My life is all about colors, constantly, it is what I notice and how I think. My moods are colors, I describe things in colors.How to describe the color? It was not pure white. It would be close to the color if someone had repurposed a small piece of furniture - say an end table, with a rustic white color, to make the piece look homey I guess - comforting. But that rustic wh...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs