Just a Day

Mark and I went for dinner for our anniversary a day early. I found it interesting that I can make a stupid joke, asking for ketchup for my expensive steak, just to be disappointed that I do not even get the tiniest of flinch from the waiter, just a nod and comment that he will get it right away. However, when we have breakfast on Saturday mornings, I always have this craving for mustard on my eggs. OH MY GOD. Why is that such a big deal? Looks of shock and horror, even if it is a waiter I have requested it from before. I am thinking....career waiter and tip amount between the two?Really does not bother me - I have never asked for ketchup for my steak, something like that horrifies Mark, but I am so over and done with worrying what people think of me (compared to the past, I am sure I still worry way too much).For my anniversary I ordered a ton of clothes from a nice place that I have shopped in the past, and am so excited to get them. For our anniversary, I also had a nice skirt ensemble that I felt comfortable in. I realized, when I was searching and unable to find the simplest of things when getting ready, such as my makeup brushes - that I have not been getting dressed up for some time. But yesterday, when I did, I felt pretty okay with myself, it felt good.I usually feel...so ugly and fat and down on myself that I do not even bother. And I also smell - horribly. Why go to the trouble when I will still look like a fat hill...

Source: bipolar.and.me - October 26, 2016 Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs