What Disregulated Eaters Are Searching For
Disregulated eaters often tell me
that they engage in unwanted eating because they’re unhappy or can’t find
meaning in life, so I was pleased to come upon an article in THE WEEK (2/22/13)
which draws enlightening distinctions between the two.
The article, The last word, puts forth the wisdom of Victor Frankl, a Jewish
psychiatrist and neurologist who lived through the Holocaust, authored the
classic MAN’S SEARCH FOR MEANING, and died in the late 1990s. Frankl saw
happiness and seeking meaning in life as two extremes which were mutually
exclusive. To him, happiness is momentary and fleeting, while finding...
Source: Normal Eating - April 26, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Mindfulness Meditation
I went to a terrific lecture on
Mindfulness Meditation, a powerful tool for changing thoughts and feelings,
de-stressing, and becoming emotionally and physically healthy. For those of you
who want a research-driven, evidence-based approach to stress reduction,
reducing disregulated eating, and achieving greater happiness, this is it.
Mindfulness meditation is no
“woo-woo” method of improving your life. It has a proven track record which you can check out at Massachusetts General Hospital: Mindfulness
meditation training changes brain structure. Quoting from a handout on the
subject, mindfulness is the “d...
Source: Normal Eating - April 22, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Forgiveness
Many disregulated eaters are stuck
in the past, with much of their energy going into trying to figure out why bad
things happened to them or caused their life to turn out the way it has. While
I’m all for understanding our histories, sometimes there’s work to be done to
move beyond it, especially when it involves people who have caused you harm.
It’s easy to get fixated on folks
who’ve hurt us. We can blame our unfulfilled or unhappy lives on them and avoid
responsibility for having let ourselves become victims of our history. I’m not
saying that for some people, especially those who’ve suffered traum...
Source: Normal Eating - April 19, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Stop Using the Past to Predict the Future
It makes perfect sense that humans
have used the past to predict the future. Consider the maxim that “those who
ignore history are bound to repeat it” and that “you can’t know where you’re
going if you don’t know where you’ve been.” Although I wouldn’t argue with
either adage, I want to warn you about using your past to predict your
future.
I was thinking about this subject
while talking with a client whose dysfunctional family created a great deal of
chaos for her in childhood. She was always on high alert and trying to figure
out if Mom was going to blindside her with criticism or if Dad was ...
Source: Normal Eating - April 15, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Changing Eating Habits
Ah, the power of habit. We cherish
our “good” ones and loathe our “bad” ones. Nowhere is this truer than in the
eating and lifestyle arenas. The truth is, we understand very little about the
purpose of habits and how to alter them. Learning more about the process of habit
formation is the best way to succeed at changing them.
Charles Duhigg, author of THE POWER
OF HABIT, offers some wisdom on the subject (“Strengthening New Year’s
Resolutions,” Psychotherapy Networker,
Jan/Feb 2013). He reports on the conclusions of a Duke University study:
“40-45% of people’s daily actions are habits or unco...
Source: Normal Eating - April 12, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Body Variations
While shopping here in Florida, I
stopped to sit down to rest and people watch. One of the first things I noticed
is the amazing variety of bodies to be seen. I mention being in Florida because
without lots of clothing, our body outlines are so clearly visible.
Let me share my observations, then
I’ll tell you why I think they’re important. My major one was that there seemed
to be a greater variety of men’s shapes and sizes which would be deemed “acceptable”
than there are for women. Now, I know this is no big surprise, but it’s worth
noting. Here are the male body shapes I noticed. One man walking by ...
Source: Normal Eating - April 8, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Musings on the Life Unlived
Though I haven’t read the book,
here are a few excerpts from the prologue of MISSING OUT: IN PRAISE OF THE
UNLIVED LIFE by Adam Phillips (Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2013). Although some of you may scratch your heads as
you read—Phillips is a complex, deep thinker and philosophical writer—I hope you’re
able to appreciate how you can use these concepts to help in resolving your eating
and body image problems.
On it being okay to want and not
have what you want: “What we fantasize about, what we long for, are the
experiences, the things, and the people that are absent. It is the absence of
what we need ...
Source: Normal Eating - April 5, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
All-or-Nothing Mentality
One of my clients calls her habit
of going to extremes, her "do-it-or-screw-it mentality.” My hunch is that you
have a similar mindset that gets you into trouble in all sorts of ways.
All-or-nothing thinking isn’t a permanent affliction, however. You can opt out.
Step 1 is to examine your behavior
and assess (need I add, without judgment) whether you tend to think in
either/or, full/empty, success/failure ways. Come up with examples and, if you determine
this is your modus operandi, simply acknowledge the fact. If you start to get
down on yourself for polarized thinking, resist, and take a long, slow, deep
b...
Source: Normal Eating - April 1, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
It's Okay That Others Don't Understand Us
A Food and Feelings message
board member posted that her therapist had told her that “people have a
right to not understand us.” Hats off to this clinician for making such a
brilliant and seemingly obvious statement. They do have a right, you know, like
it or not.
It makes total sense that we become
uncomfortable when people—especially family members and close friends—don’t
understand us. First off, we feel invalidated. For some folks that’s not much
of an issue because they can validate themselves or have others in their lives to
provide like-minded support. But for many disregulated eaters, not bei...
Source: Normal Eating - March 29, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Understanding the Motivations of Others
I’m grateful that my training as a
therapist focused on understanding motivation, that is, why people say what
they say and do what they do. Understanding motivation is key to having positive
interactions with people whether talking
about eating or anything else under the sun. After all, the why is as
important as the what.
Did it ever occur to you that
someone’s remarks or actions have nothing to do with you even though they’re directed at you? Here’s an example. Say you’re telling a friend that binge-eating
is now considered a disorder under the same clinical umbrella as anorexia and
bulimia, whi...
Source: Normal Eating - March 25, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
What Is Your "Food" Deprivation Really About?
Saying no to food when you’re not
hungry may stem from feeling deprived—wanting
what you believe you can’t have. Most of the time, such deprivation is perception,
not reality. Alter the perception and the deprivation disappears.
The first step in this process is
to recognize that you feel deprived. Take a minute to consider how this emotion
hits you. It’s usually an intense longing, sense of unfairness, feeling of
being victimized, or desperation that you must
have a food or you will not be okay. Can you see how nonsensical this notion
is? No one is victimizing you, maybe it’s unfair that you “c...
Source: Normal Eating - March 22, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
De-stressing Over To Do Lists
Disregulated eaters often become
victims of their to-do lists. Feeling stressed by what you believe
you have to do, you’re more likely to
turn to food to reduce you’re the pressure you’re experiencing. Here’s how to
get yourself out from under.
What helped one client I work with
who drove herself crazy with whatever tasks she had left undone was to first
and foremost realize that she had created the list herself. Sure, she had a job
that required her to work and complete tasks, but she’s the one who felt driven
about accomplishing them quickly and perfectly. No one was pressuring her. Too
many of yo...
Source: Normal Eating - March 18, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Memory, Appetite and Mindful Eating
If you do nothing else to improve
your relationship with food, practice mindful eating. C’mon, now, it’s not that difficult to do. Trust me, it will speed your recovery faster than you’d ever
believe. Think: more mindfulness, less food abuse.
According to Appetite may be driven by your memory by Melissa Healy (Sarasota
Herald-Tribune, 12/25/12), “Too much distraction, too little attention, food
presentation—such as large dishes that distort our assessment of portion
size—can play havoc with our food memories. And eventually…with our waistlines.”
This conclusion comes from a study on actual versus...
Source: Normal Eating - March 15, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
Being Fat and Feeling Sexy
This culture can cause heavy people
to feel as if fat can’t be sexy, but that’s only cultural bias. If you’re fat,
you have two choices: to dislike and hide your body or to feel good about it
and decide how to show it off in its best light. If you’re going the latter
route, here are some great suggestions from Advice Goddess Amy Alkon (Think you’re fat? Try this at home, TICKET,
SARASOTA HERALD-TRIBUNE, 12/20/12).
She begins by offering research
that tells us that “‘walking the walk’—acting the way you’d like to feel—is one
of the most effective ways to change how you feel.” When I make...
Source: Normal Eating - March 11, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
You're Not Alone (With Eating or Any Other Problems)
I wish I had a dollar for every
client who’s said, “You’ll probably think I’m crazy, but…” and gone on to tell
me something. Good thing that I know
they’re not crazy and can reassure them. The truth is, as different as we all
appear to be, underneath we’re pretty much the same and have relatively similar
emotional experiences.
In what ways do people feel alone
and different from others? With food and in many aspects of life—eating food picked out of the garbage can, experiencing discomfort receiving compliments,
ignoring a delicious, healthy dinner they’ve made and instead gorging on
leftov...
Source: Normal Eating - March 8, 2013 Category: Eating Disorders Authors: eatnormalnow Source Type: blogs
