Memories...
Dr. Balboa was a cardiologist at my medical school. He was good at what he did.Unfortunately, he also had a confrontational personality, short temper, and complete inability to back down from conflict. These are not good traits to have when you're just over 5 feet tall, slender, and have absolutely no training in Karate/Kung Fu/Krav Maga/whatever.So, on a relatively frequent basis, the hospital ER docs were used to sewing him up for injuries sustained in bar fights, traffic altercations, or any number of minor arguments that he escalated to stupid levels.One night, during my 4th year cardiology rotation, I was also coverin...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 9, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Modern crime
More valuable than gold. Rarer than platinum. More coveted than oil. Yes, the most prized substance on Earth is clearly...Shortbread.Yeah, you read that correctly.I didn't think so either, but I'm not much of a shortbread fan. Honestly, I had no idea it was so valuable, until this morning.This past weekend a daring group of Scottish thieves, in what would have easily been a crime to rival anything in Agatha Christie's works, attempted to steal £15,000 (that's $26,000, folks) worth of shortbread.That better be some damn good baking. I mean, why the f. would you steal shortbread? I'm pretty sure these 4 guys weren't plannin...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 9, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Verbiage
Back in the early, sexist, 80's, I had a teacher who'd say "writing should be like a girl's skirt: long enough to cover the subject, short enough to keep it interesting."Now, times and expressions may have changed, but his point is still well-taken. This was driven home to me recently while reading an article about the effects of concussions on college football players.I'd have to say the gentleman on the right nailed it: (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 8, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Sunday night call check out
Dr. Grumpy: "Next one, in room 734 is Mr. Spin, admitted for severe vertigo. I think it's peripheral, but ordered an MRI and..."Dr. Nerve: "What kind of vertigo?"Dr. Grumpy: "Positional vertigo. It happens when he turns his head left."Dr. Nerve: "Which of the semicircular vestibular canals is involved?"Dr. Grumpy: "Are you serious?"Dr. Nerve: "Yes. Which canal is involved? Superior, Horizontal, or Posterior? They taught you that in residency, didn't they?'Dr. Grumpy: "I have no f.ing clue. I had 29 consults this weekend, and breaking that down isn't going to change my management."Dr. Nerve: "I think these things are import...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 7, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Erev Independence Day
Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."Ms. Triptan: "Hi, I need to get in to see him tomorrow. My headaches have gotten worse."Mary: "We're closed tomorrow. It's a holiday."Ms. Triptan: "But this is important. I'm really miserable, and need something done! Couldn't he meet me there? Just for a short while?"Mary: "No, but we had a cancellation for today, at 4:15. He can see you this afternoon."Ms. Triptan: "I can't do that, I'm going to the casino. It's Bonus Slots Thursday." (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 4, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Help wanted
You need to have brain surgery. Wouldn't you want a surgeon who had experience in the field (as opposed to, say, removing ingrown toenails)?Me, too.So, this is an interesting job ad. A hospital is looking for an anesthesiologist. That's the person in charge of making sure you're deeply out when they cut you open, watches your vital signs to make sure you're not dying on the table, and then (hopefully) wakes you up after the surgeon has put you back together.So shouldn't they want someone who'd previously done that a few times?Apparently not:Yes folks, you read that correctly. They want an anesthesiologist, but experience u...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 3, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Full service neurology
I'm between patients when Mary tells me a doctor is on hold. Dr. Grumpy: "This is Dr. Grumpy."Dr. Veoli: "Hi, this is Al Veoli, the pulmonologist across the street. We have a mutual patient, Don Epazil, who you're seeing for memory problems?"Dr. Grumpy: "What's up?"Dr. Veoli: "I'm not sure what to do here. I guess he was going to haul his clothes to the cleaners, but got the addresses mixed up. He took the bus here, and now he's out in the waiting room, trying to give bags of dirty duds to my staff."Dr. Grumpy: "I'm sorry. His son lives with him, but is out of town this week. Tell him to come over here. I'll call his siste...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - July 2, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Spring break
Due to my kids having this week off, we're going to visit family in warmer weather. I will return on March 31, 2014. (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 24, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Quote of the day
"Since my back injury I've had trouble going down. On stairs, I mean." (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 21, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Foot, meet mouth
My 2:00 patient yesterday was obviously blind. She had the long white cane, and a guide dog. Mary filled out forms for her. She held onto my arm as I led her back to my office.Dr. Grumpy: "So what can I do for you?"Mrs. Two: "I was at the emergency room this weekend. I had a seizure on Sunday, and bit my tongue."Dr. Grumpy: "Good heavens. Have you ever had a seizure before?"Mrs. Two: "No. They told me I had another one in the ER after I got there."Dr. Grumpy: "Where did the first one happen?"Mrs. Two: "I was in the car."Dr. Grumpy: "Were you driving?" Pause.Dr. Grumpy: "That was a really stupid question, wasn't it?"She cra...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 20, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Thump
Annie: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Annie."Mrs. Phleb: "It's been 2 weeks, and I want to know what my labs showed. Nobody called me."Annie: "Hmmm... I don't see any results in the system."Mrs. Phleb: "Well, I took the order in. I don't know why they didn't send them to you."Annie: "What lab did you go to?"Mrs. Phleb: "The one in your building. I did exactly what Dr. Grumpy told me to do!"Annie: "That's strange. Usually they're pretty reliable. Did you have the blood drawn right after your appointment?"Mrs. Phleb: "What blood draw?"Annie: "They didn't draw your blood? What exactly did you do?"Mrs. Phleb: "What Dr. Grumpy t...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 19, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Overheard in ER this weekend
Dr. Urgent: "What do you take for your asthma?"Mr. Wheezy: "Methadone." (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 18, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Sunday night call check-out
Dr. Grumpy: "Next is a lady in room 835 who I saw for diabetic neuropathy. I started her on Qualex, and..."Dr. Brain: "Any exam findings?"Dr. Grumpy: "No reflexes in the legs, and impaired pin & proprioception in the feet. I ordered some labs..."Dr. Brain: "Proprioception? Don't you mean 'passive joint position sense'?"Dr. Grumpy: "Okay. In room 753 is a guy who came in with an acute stroke..."Dr. Brain: "Wait, this is important. You aren't answering my question. 'Passive joint position sense' is a much more relevant term, and you really should use it."Dr. Grumpy: "Whatever. Anyway, the guy in 753 is weak on the right....
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 17, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Thursday night phone message
"Hi, this is Austin, and I'm in the twin's class at Wingnut school. My Dad says he'll get me a new XBox game if I take a girl to the junior high dance, so can you please have Marie call me? Thank you." (Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House)
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 14, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
Statistics
Rikki Phoneysmile, my least favorite drug rep, came by. I went up to sign for samples.Rikki: "Now... just tap next to the pill strength you'd like, and sign here..."Dr. Grumpy: "Okay." (signs off, hands iPad back).Rikki: "Thank you, doctor. I'd like to leave you with this booklet about Dioxnyl to review..."Dr. Grumpy: "You've left it with me before. You've been handing it out for over a year."Rikki: "No, it's a new one. We recently discovered an error in that booklet, and it's now been corrected."Dr. Grumpy: "What was wrong?"Rikki: "On the efficacy graph we had the drug vs. placebo curves switched. So it made it look like ...
Source: Doctor Grumpy in the House - March 13, 2014 Category: Neurologists Authors: Grumpy, M.D. Source Type: blogs
