The golden boys (and girls) of summer
It's been a June of many nights at the ballpark, surrounded by the stocatto of the player's shouts, the crack of the bat, the smell of the fresh-cut grass. Katy is on an all-girls softball team - switching from baseball to softball now at age 9 - and she has had an incredible experience. Her easy-going manner has made her friends with every single girl on the team. I feel my mothering fears of her not fitting in dissipating quickly as I watch her in the dugout with her team, smiling and laughing.She's still permanently in the "clean up" position in the batting order. She regularly crushes doubles and triples far out into t...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 25, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: photography sports busy children Source Type: blogs
Through a glass darkly
Seeing my malevolent face in the mirror, my benevolent soul shrinks back. (Mason Cooley)They say those living in a glass house should be careful about throwing stones. If you can cast a stone with a look, my face has been dark with those looks. My husband is confused, my children cry - all because I can't keep my soul off my face these days.He who has regrets cannot look at himself in the mirror. (Eric Cantona)Paul says he saw as though in a dim mirror, waiting for heaven when his sight would be clear. Life is deceptively transparent at times, as though you could look into the future and see your fate. Yet these prediction...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 24, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: past unknown present heavy burden when God feels far away future rescue saints Source Type: blogs
Every moment is a fork in the road
I comfort myself with the fact that someday this day will be burned away: reduced to ashes or jewels. This crazy day. This hard day. This day of sadness and grief. This day of betrayal.Anxiety dissipates as I recall that however this day came about - by the trickle down effect of my sin or someone else or none at all - God has either allowed it or willed it. This is the truth of trusting, that you accept your reality as it is and not how you wish it to be. You can accept what you hate, loathe, are afraid of, disagree with. Acceptance doesn't equal approval. But it does equal a modicum of peace for the soul. When you a...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 23, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: radical acceptance mental illness depression repentance God's image giving God the glory anxiety PTSD God's will Source Type: blogs
Mother prayers
You who have been safe your whole life, you children yet to meet the evil of this world, you're sassy and free. I am learning what a child of 7, 8, 9 is like without scars. You believe in those big hands of Grandpa's - they would protect you, they would threaten anyone who threatened you.You don't know that evil is insidious. It comes dressed in friend's clothing, it comes in the shape of your heroes, it comes along with love and it comes along with joy. It is a silent companion, a shadow like a panther creeping closer when those big hands aren't around to protect you.You dream when you are alone. I don't know what dreams ...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 18, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: growing up protecting our children innocence lost safety mother prayers God's promises Source Type: blogs
Unchosen scars
Oh, to be a lotus flower. To feel the water below, and the wind above, and to be neither. To be totally sure of one's purpose and form. To be peaceful no matter what dark skies may gather or what flood might push petals adrift.Image creditI took your hand because you offered it. I trusted you because you seemed trustworthy. I had never met someone with two faces before, and so I thought the face I saw in the daylight would be the face I would always see when I looked at you. I had never seen "menacing", "cruel", "sadistic".And I had never felt lost. Grief. Broken. Alone.Image creditTaking back what's yours means radically ...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 17, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: aftermath child abuse sexual abuse truth grief surviving Source Type: blogs
Letting the light in
I spoke of things this week that I never thought would cross my tongue. Childhood hurts locked away tight and buried after all these years of avoidance. I am nudged - gently - to sift through the secrets and unlock the padlocks and let someone in. To this most horrible part of my self. I shy away, trying to trust.It is difficult to say "yes" to grief. Especially if that thing you're grieving is nearly 30 years old. Why bother now, I ask in desperation? My friend, my therapist - she says it's important to let the light in. That the truth will set me free. That my fear of the thing is bigger now than the thing itself.So I op...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 13, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: counseling redemption grief fear PTSD remembrance freedom Source Type: blogs
Abundance
Quietly counting gifts this weekend. My cup runneth over with blessings, miraculous everyday ways that my Savior cares for me. May you find peace today as well.And Jesus said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 8, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: everyday miracles 1000 gifts ordinary joys Source Type: blogs
