Unchosen scars

Oh, to be a lotus flower. To feel the water below, and the wind above, and to be neither. To be totally sure of one's purpose and form. To be peaceful no matter what dark skies may gather or what flood might push petals adrift.Image creditI took your hand because you offered it. I trusted you because you seemed trustworthy. I had never met someone with two faces before, and so I thought the face I saw in the daylight would be the face I would always see when I looked at you. I had never seen "menacing", "cruel", "sadistic".And I had never felt lost. Grief. Broken. Alone.Image creditTaking back what's yours means radically accepting reality. You don't look, act, smell, think, or live like the child that was lost decades ago. There is all kinds of bad and ugly mixed up with the good. Like water washing over a rock ledge, soul erosion follows the blows of trauma and changes you forever.Image creditWhy me? Why then? Why that? I set aside my mountain of questions and hold instead my broken soul. My words are drenched in sadness as they flow from me to the God who has always seemed so far away.Started first with confidingI didn’t know I was too youngto hear secrets of deeds after dark.Mixed sensations, mixed emotionsNo one teaches how to fight evil whenenemies come dressed as friendsEvery good thing souredEvery bad thing my faultHeart too broken to shed tearsDays and months become yearsLies tangle up the real youAnd you become just who she said you’d be.Sure of wickednessWary o...
Source: Turquoise Gates - Category: Cancer Tags: aftermath child abuse sexual abuse truth grief surviving Source Type: blogs