Falling or flying?
When we fall you catch us, although at times we hit the metal frame of your undergirding love and feel like we've been impaled there from the crash. It isn't always pretty, catching someone who's falling off a skyscraper of pride, expectations, failure, and guilt.When we fall those first few times, we scream all the way down because we can't imagine a way out. But as faith builds, and we have a history together with God, falling feels kind of like flying. Plummeting at top speed toward the concrete is no longer scary. Because we remember His faithfulness. He is always there to catch us, and has forever rescued us from our ...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 7, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: redemption fallen sisters God's faithfulness rescue Source Type: blogs
An eternal spring
Winter's pastand summer's comesnaking green tendrils of growththrough chilled earth;I open to the warm sun,sprout healing.I remember the suspension of disbelief - the same thing thatkeeps us turning pages -the drama we love in short burstsconstant, eating alivea little girl's soul.Spring turned to summerthat 7th yearand innocence was lostwith finalityas if there was nogoing back,no do-oversAlternate rebellion:treating my physical bodylike you did -trash and toilet -and my soul languished fear nibblingat the corners of belief.I couldn't hurt youso I hurt myselfdangerous daringcliffs jumped off ofairplanes jumped o...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 6, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: counseling child abuse healing redemption hope surviving poetry Source Type: blogs
Everybody poops
My new medication is WORKING and my depression seems to be letting up a bit! Most of all, the terrible flashbacks from PTSD have calmed down in the past few days. So, without further adieu, I have a funny story for you today!We have twin cats. Their names are Pearl and Seashell (Shelly for short) because one is white and the other looks like the outside of an oyster shell. They both got pregnant for the first time at the same time - twins all the way! - but Pearl delivered her kittens first. Unfortunately, when they were less than a week old, a ferrel tomcat came and killed the kittens (MAJOR drama with the kids!) When She...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 5, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: hilarity poop pets Source Type: blogs
Hello, Goodbye?
I find myself pondering it ever more frequently: is it time to stop blogging? After all, what started as a cancer blog has reached it's natural boundary as I celebrate surviving 5 years since my cancer was discovered. Now it has morphed into a sometime mommy/philosopher/theology/mental health blog. It feels a bit awkward, and I'm never sure if it's because God is pushing me past my comfort zone, or if I am pushing myself way past the comfort zone God intended for me?Have you ever considered concluding your blog? Why or why not?Would you please consider answering this question either by emailing me using the contact form at...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 3, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: photography blogs ambivalence seasons randomness writing Source Type: blogs
Out here
Ever had a day when you wondered if you were screwing up your kids forever? I do! Between their squabbles, whining instead of obeying, begging for more screen time (constantly), and the rolled eyes that have become commonplace around here with three girls growing, I often wonder if they will turn out alright.And then, one of them will do or say something so mature, so sweet, so kind, that I think - maybe it will all work out. Rosy sang me this song from her "diary" today:"Out Here"I just want to be out herein the music with the bird's song.Being calmed,crickets singing their calming music,wind through the trees -that's the...
Source: Turquoise Gates - June 1, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: homeschool creativity count your blessings mothering with PTSD 1000 gifts children Source Type: blogs
The road not taken
Imagine freedom - the kind of soul peace your whole body relaxes into, suddenly comfortable with itself and it's shape. It's like the laugh of an old friend as you talk on into the night: you fall under it's spell and it whispers in your ear sweet things..."you are free!"...."it is forgotten!"..."He loved you - yes, YOU - so much that He created you, He delivered you from evil and death, He died for you!"Imagine what that freedom would look like, even if it was only going to last an hour or two. You wouldn't fret about the non-organic groceries in your cart. You might splurge on something fun for yourself. You might lavish...
Source: Turquoise Gates - May 31, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: vulnerable choices freedom in Christ I am the Beloved ordinary joys Source Type: blogs
Become a card-carrying member of your own personal fan-club!
True friends keep our secrets. Tell us their secrets. Remember my birthday! They know who "Oma" and "Opa" are. They always make sure I'm included in fun things. They know when I'm sad and ask me why. When I am sick, they call to check on me. (From Daring Greatly, Debunking the Vulnerability Myths by Brené Brown)Sometimes I think that, if I smoke one more cigarette, he'll leave me. But he doesn't. He stays, and works hard, and is kind and gentle with me. He sees me either with rose-colored glasses or with more clarity than I, preferring to focus on what is not my fault rather than what is.Sometimes I think that, if I confe...
Source: Turquoise Gates - May 30, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: God of all comfort redemption friends Praise true love sanctification rescue encouragement best friend Source Type: blogs
Escape till morning light
I remember the very first morning I noticed You walking with me. I crept out of the slumbering house in the pre-dawn, the whole world a royal purple. My bare feet flicked the dew off the grass and then squished through the muddy spot that was a perennial feature on the lawn. I could see the woodshed in the darkness, glimmering white in the last of the moonlight.I felt very alone yet very safe, 8 years old, up and about before the grown-ups. I walked down the path from the shed to the woodpile, mincing through the bracken and thorns of the forest. Our giant red dog came snuffling behind me, searching for a woodchuck or squi...
Source: Turquoise Gates - May 29, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: child abuse escape God's love Source Type: blogs
