It's the Most Horrible Time of the year, and other observations. . .
The Festival That Cannot Be Pronounced has begun--well, technically is beginning--in Bigton. Littleton, where I live, is not unscathed by this yearly influx of techies, hipsters, and people who haven't seen soap in entirely too long. The traffic is horrible, my favorite beer store is out of my favorite beer, and the highways are full of people who, as they approach both downton Bigton and Sunnydale General, aren't quite sure where they're going. Hilarity, if you mean hilarity-in-a-natural-disaster-sense, often ensues.Luckily, I've been flat on my back since Monday. Why, you ask? Well, let me tell you:This past weekend, I f...
Source: Head Nurse - March 7, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
Let's talk about how not to be an asshole to your patients.
Or, for that matter, to your family members when they're in the hospital.(Inspired by this post at XOJane, and by my own experience over the weekend.)I had a patient this past weekend who was, by any definition, a Big Girl. Several inches over six feet, broad and strong in proportion to her height, and well over 300 pounds. She'd had a crazy-ass, rare clot in a weird place that had landed her with us. She also had a relative who, while well-meaning, was a royal pain in the patookus in regards to her weight. The relative, incidentally, was also tall, but very, very slender. And had an obsession: her relative's--my pati...
Source: Head Nurse - February 20, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
Loud Cheers! (For several reasons. . .)
Doctor Annoyance is going away. I don't care where or when, though I know when the when will be, and believe me, it's not soon enough: he's going away.Doctor A has been a thorn in my side now for longer than I care to consider. He's one of those doctors--you know, the ones who can't find a phone number on their own, or who ask you stupid, unimportant questions in the middle of a crisis, or who think they're being cute when what they're really being is totally off the chain and for God's sake will you just TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH ohmygawd how many times do I have to tell you. . . .Anyhow, he's going.And, with him, goes another...
Source: Head Nurse - February 9, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
Seems my job definition just expanded.
The screaming was so loud that it brought me out of the room nearest the nurses' station with a "What the HELL?"It was a toddler. I don't know jack about babies, except that they're generally wet at one end and loud at the other. This one was both. This one was open-mouthed, red-faced, screaming its little head off, in the arms of my flummoxed-looking coworker. He (the toddler, not my coworker) seemed to be about walking age, maybe a little younger; a cute kid, aside from that awful noise.So we took him into one of the larger storage rooms and proceeded to play games like "What's on my head?" and "Can we shut you up with c...
Source: Head Nurse - February 4, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
In Which Auntie Jo Weighs In On A Controversial Subject. . .
I used to own a gun.It was a gun specifically designed to kill people with as much efficiency and as little subtlety as possible: a twenty-gauge shotgun with a barrel so short it skirted the legal limits, bought without a background check on the grey market, loaded with shells full of buckshot. I didn't buy a twelve-gauge because I'm a lady, and larger shotguns kick like hell.If I had fired it, it would've put a huge, bloody hole in my target, the wall behind and on either side of him, and anything else within about twenty feet.I bought it about six weeks before I had surgery, from a guy at work. I paid in cash and felt be...
Source: Head Nurse - January 15, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
This is what I've learned, in two-plus years of no palate. . .
I got to thinking about this the other night, as I was rinsing out the enormous (well, not enormous, but it feels enormous) hole that goes directly from my mouth to my right sinus:1. Sinuses catch a lot of stuff.Seriously. The crap I wash out of my sinuses every couple of days would make a strong man shudder and a scientist's eyes gleam with excitement.2. You don't know how lucky you are to have a palate until you don't.You normal people have NO IDEA how much snot you produce. Trust me on this one.3. I can't eat flour tortillas under any circumstances, and should probably stay away from baked potatoes, Tater Tots, macaroni...
Source: Head Nurse - January 13, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
In the two days I've had off since the holidays. . .
. . .I've gotten into an Ancient Cookbook Frenzy.One thing I can say for people in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries: they had one hell of a collective sweet tooth. Make a pie of artichoke bottoms? Strew it with sugar before you serve it to table. Boil a calve's chaldron (which I just found out is entrails) and spice it with mace and nutmeg and cinnamon? Sprinkle a little sugar over that mofo before you serve it up in a pasty. Roast a rooster? Sugar. Making a nice (meaning exacting) recipe for biskit? Sugar. Sheep's feet? Sugar.When a recipe starts with "Take a pound of sugar, seirced, and lay it onto four pounds of ...
Source: Head Nurse - January 5, 2013 Category: Nurses Authors: Jo Source Type: blogs
