Life As a Caregiver: How to Make Tough Care Decisions
Photo credit Mohammad Elgassier
Many of us feel honored to provide care for our aging parents or ill spouses, but this honor can also present serious challenges. Even when we have had conversations with our loved ones about their wishes under certain circumstances, life is rarely so neat that we are presented with clear choices of which there is a straightforward “winner.” For this reason, caregivers often need to make tough decisions under sometimes murky conditions.
The responsibility weighs heavily on us, but my personal feeling is that respect for the dignity and legacy of the person we provide care for can be a ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 20, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Family and Professional Caregivers Are More Alike Than Different
As a family caregiver, I faced the task of placing several loved ones in a quality nursing home near where I lived. Over the years, I came to know many professional caregivers very well. They treated me with kindness and respect, and I did my best to be the type of family member who helped without interfering and respected their professionalism. In many cases, I was stunned by their unwavering ability to power through this difficult job, even as they continually faced the illness, pain, and eventual deaths of people they’d grown to care about.
Examples crowd my mind as I write because I saw so much dedication and concer...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 19, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
The Aftermath of Long-Term Caregiving: Is Stress the New Normal?
Often long-term caregivers wonder if their lives will ever return to normal. The short answer is no; at least for most of us. There will be changes in your personality, both positive and negative, so what you view as normal will change.
Each day as a caregiver (to some degree) hinges on the health and welfare of our care receivers. After months or years of caregiving, stress can become a daily companion. I believe caregivers often recognize one or more triggers that symbolize this stress.
For me it was the blinking message light on the home phone. Though the multiple elders I cared for are now deceased, to this day...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
An Older Adult Skips Bathing? Maybe there ’s a Reason
A common complaint about older people, especially those who have health challenges, is that they “smell” or have other signs that they don’t shower or bathe often enough to stay fresh.
Some of this may be driven by ageist stereotypes, but some of it can be based in truth. If you have a parent or other older adult in your family and you feel that poor hygiene is a realistic issue, the first thing you should do is try to determine why the person isn't keeping up with self-care.
Understand that we aren’t talking about someone who wasn’t smelling too fresh one day when you stopped in. There could be many rea...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
An Older Adult Skip ’s Bathing? Maybe there’s a Reason
A common complaint about older people, especially those who have health challenges, is that they “smell” or have other signs that they don’t shower or bathe often enough to stay fresh.
Some of this may be driven by ageist stereotypes, but some of it can be based in truth. If you have a parent or other older adult in your family and you feel that poor hygiene is a realistic issue, the first thing you should do is try to determine why the person isn't keeping up with self-care.
Understand that we aren’t talking about someone who wasn’t smelling too fresh one day when you stopped in. There could be many rea...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
People Living with Dementia May Fight Bathing: Compassion, Education Can Help
Many older adults may not bathe as often as younger people think they should, but what about people living with dementia? Here lies a much greater challenge.
People living with Alzheimer’s, or another type of dementia will often refuse or even physically lash out when pushed to shower or bathe. This behavior frustrates well-meaning family caregivers to no end. They worry that their family member may have increased urinary infections or even skin infections when regularly bathing doesn’t happen. Understandably, too, they would like their loved one freshened up, not only for themselves but also for others.
Making...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 16, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Spouse Criticized for How He Cares for Wife with Dementia
Dear Carol: My wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s eight years ago. While it hasn’t been easy keeping her home with me, it’s been her choice – and mine. Neither of us is young, but I’m healthy and strong so I see no reason why people keep criticizing my decision to keep her in our home. The criticism’s gotten worse since she became incontinent. I’ll be the first to admit that there are extra challenges when you add incontinence to the already substantial job of caring for someone with dementia, but we make do. How do I respond? - KR
Dear KR: Most family caregivers do their best. Of ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 15, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Adult Child with Snowbird Parents Worries about Long-Distance Care
Photo credit Maller Lotte Meijer
Dear Carol: After my parents retired, they moved south to enjoy the year-round heat. Dad’s since had a heart bypass and mom had a hip replacement, but otherwise, they seem well enough. Still, these are red flags. We’ve tried to convince them to move back home, but they say they are home. They take care of each other now, but with worsening health, or when one of them passes, things will need to change. How do we prepare for that time? – PF
Continue reading on Inforum for tips on planning for potential parent care when they live far away:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 14, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
People Living with Dementia May Fight Bathing: Compassion, Education Can Help
Many older adults may not bathe as often as younger people think they should, but what about people living with dementia? Here lies a much greater challenge.
People living with Alzheimer’s or another type of dementia will often refuse or even physically lash out when pushed to shower or bathe. This behavior frustrates well-meaning family caregivers no end. They worry that their family member may have increased urinary infections or even skin infections when regularly bathing doesn’t happen. Understandably, too, they would like their loved one freshened up, not only for themselves but also for others.
What to do...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 13, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Cohabitation with Parent Working Except for Incontinence Battles
Dear Carol: My mom has lived with us for several years and it’s been going pretty well up to now. Her dementia is worsening, which we expected. What we didn’t expect was to have so much trouble managing incontinence. This seems like a small thing when we consider the many challenges of dementia care, but with help from a geriatrician, I’ve learned how to respond to most situations in the recommended manner (most of the time). Except for the incontinence problem. Mom’s ruining the furniture with her need to be “independent” and none of the tricks that I've learned are helping. If the mess were confined to ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 12, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Coping with the Stigma that Accompanies Dementia
Photo credit Angels Vicente
People stare. Most are not unkind; they are just curious. But when someone "different" from the norm becomes part of their environment, they often gawk without thinking about or understanding how this affects others. Anyone who has cared for a disabled child or has a visible disability of their own knows this. However, people who care for an elder with dementia may have more difficulty coping with the stares of the public because the person they are caring for was once their dignified father or charismatic mother. The pain of seeing others stare, not knowing how this person was robbed of his or...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 11, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Second-Guessing Ourselves: A Caregiver Obsession
Photo credit Karolina Grabowska
Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges.
A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible.
One afternoon, it had become evid...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 10, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Caregiving As Our Legacy: We Can Be Proud of Our Contributions
Have you thought about what you'd want your obituary to say about you? I hadn't until I was recently asked to write an article on the topic. I enjoy a challenge and thought, "why not?" How would I want my life to be summed up after I'm gone? As I considered this article, the natural starting point for me was with my parents' obituaries, since I wrote them.
Each of my parents suffered a long slow decline, so I had plenty of time to ponder their lives and the words that could encapsulate who they were.
Dad's obituary was fairly easy to compose, though I needed to dig for some documentation. He'd gotten international...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 9, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Siblings Who Feel Shut Out of Caregiving: Yes, It Happens
This article offers a glimpse into another perspective on caregiving: that oft maligned long-distance siblings may actually be excluded by primary caregivers.
Continue reading on Agingcare for discussion about why some caregivers would (sometimes legitimately, other times not) rather go it alone:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.” ...Craig William Dayton, Film Composer
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Source: Minding Our Elders - August 8, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Husband with Dementia Talks to His Long-Deceased Parents
Dear Carol: Though my husband was diagnosed with dementia four years ago, he’s had symptoms for much longer. I’ve learned a lot from reading your column and joining a support group, but I’m still struggling with some of his behavior. What’s going on is that he sees and/or talks with his long-deceased parents. I’ve told him that they are waiting for him in heaven, but that upsets him because then he thinks they just died. When I tell him that this happened long ago, he argues and gets agitated. Sometimes I even wonder if this behavior means that my husband’s not long for this world. I’m torn between just leavi...
Source: Minding Our Elders - August 7, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
