Is It Normal to Grieve Before Someone Dies?
I remember watching my parents age in a normal fashion. I’d occasionally look at them and be startled by the realization that they were getting older, but that was all I acknowledged. I never consciously dwelled on the fact that they would continue to decline and eventually I would lose them. I didn’t want to. These things did, however, linger in the very back of my mind.
Then one day my dad underwent brain surgery to correct an old injury he sustained in World War II. It was made clear to us that without this operation, he would eventually suffer from severe confusion. Unfortunately, though, the surgery was unsuccess...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 19, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Are Caregivers “Mad as Hell?” Many Are, and For Good Reason
Dear Carol: My dad, 83, has received bladder cancer treatments for years, but now his cancer has become aggressive. Unfortunately, so has his oncologist. Dad has rarely questioned his doctors, so even though he’s in agony, he’s accepting each new treatment without asking for alternatives. He’s always been emphatic that when treatments don’t work, he wanted hospice care, so we’re now determined to transfer him. It’s a process, but we’re getting there so I’m not writing for advice. I just want to know why alternatives to last-ditch treatments that simply “buy time," aren’t better explained to patien...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Hospice Care: Help During End Stages of Life
Each time I walked into Dad’s room in the nursing home, he would be rigid in bed, propped up on one elbow and slamming his other fist against his upturned palm. Pow! Pow! Pow! Over and over, he pounded fist against hand. I would try to get him to relax and lie back down, but he couldn’t comprehend my pleas. Pow! Pow! Pow! He was trying to knock out the pain.
Dad had resided in this nursing home since botched brain surgery that was supposed to correct the results of a brain injury, he’d sustained in World War II. He went into this surgery foggy from fluid building up behind scar tissue in his brain. While the procedu...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Unrealistic Promises Complicate Caregiving
Photo credit: Claudia Soraya
...Back when our loved ones were younger and healthier, many of us promised in good faith that we would never put them in a nursing home. Doing so would be unthinkable—like abandoning them in their time of need. So, we naively pledge to care for them ourselves until the very end. We assure them that they’ll be able to live out their remaining years at home with family tending to their needs.
...This is admirable yet unrealistic thinking. Recent research shows that the average duration of caregiving is a whopping 4.5 years. As time goes by and our loved ones’ care ne...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 16, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
An In-depth Look at Constipation from the Causes to the Consequences
Photo credit Sora Shimazaki
...When Is Constipation Serious in Elderly Individuals? “Constipation is a very common health concern affecting people of all ages, but particularly the elderly,” explains Kim English, RN, BScN, MN, professor at the Trent/Fleming School of Nursing in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada. “There is a stereotype of older people focusing on the function of their bowels. That may not be a bad thing, but the reality is that we all experience episodes of constipation at some point of our lives.”
The medical definition of constipation is when a person has less than 3 bowel...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 15, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
5 Tips for Keeping Your Brain Healthy While Caregiving
Many of us cope with the stress of caring for someone who has dementia. We agonize over the increasing losses that our loved one faces as dementia works its way through their brains. We also worry about ourselves. Will we, too, end our lives without recognizing the people we love? What, if anything, can we do to protect our own brains? With this question in mind, I asked two brain experts for their input on how caregivers can practice self-care and reduce worry about their health—specifically their brain health.
What's good for the heart is good for the brain: First, I questioned Benjamin T. Mast, Ph....
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 14, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Loving Yourself: A Caregiver ’s Ultimate Challenge
We've all heard that we must first learn to love ourselves before we can love others. Yet, many of us have grown up with family members who were hard on us or taught us that self-love is selfish or arrogant, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
What Is Self-Love? Louise Hay, a founder of the self-help movement and author of several New Thought motivational books, defines self-love as a deep, unconditional acceptance and appreciation for all parts of who we are. Self-love is the culmination of building awareness of ourselves, nurturing our minds and bodies, and acknowledging that we are good and valuabl...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 13, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Home is All About Heart, Especially for Older Adults
Photo credit Jonas Kakaroto
For many of us, the word "home" signifies refuge, safety, caring, and warmth –a sanctuary where we belong. It's a place that we know is waiting for us at the end of our daily journey into the sometimes cold and uncaring world. The actual location of our home may be dynamic rather than static—ever-changing as our personal world changes. Yet the meaning of home remains the same: a place of comfort.
Most of us who've cared for people with dementia have heard the sad, repetitive lament, "I want to go home." If the person lives in a nursing home or assisted living facility...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 12, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Agency ’s High Caregiver Turnover Upsetting to Older Adult
Dear Carol: My mom needs help while bathing and with some daily tasks, so we hired an agency to provide four hours of in-home care per day. Our problem is constant staff turnover. Most of the new people are fine, but each new caregiver needs to be trained for Mom’s preferences and needs. From Mom's perspective, another stranger in her home is upsetting. Are some agencies more likely to retain caregivers than others? How about hiring privately? This turnover is hard on both of us since I need to take time away from work to cover missing caregivers. – CE
Continue reading on Inforum to learn more about the challenges of ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 11, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Grandparent's Day: A Reminder of the Importance of the Older Generation
The importance of grandparents in the lives of children cannot be denied. Before our society became so mobile, it was common for children to grow up surrounded by extended family, including one or both sets of grandparents. Seniors often moved in with their adult children and young grandkids when they became frail.
My own childhood mirrored this now quaint picture of the past, and I’ve always felt happy about the fact that my children were involved with both sets of their grandparents as they grew up. Yet even though my kids enjoyed weekly grandparent visits, they were already in the minority. Many of their friends rare...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 10, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Forgiveness Helps Us Live and Die with Serenity and Peace
Forgiveness nearly always changes lives for the better. Whether we are the one offering this gift or the person who is being forgiven, the blessings flow both ways. To me, forgiving one another for being flawed human beings is an important key to a reasonably serene life. However, this mutual understanding is not always easy to come by. Recently, I’ve been thinking deeply about the type of forgiveness that is often desired when families are faced with the illness and death of a loved one. For expert insight into this unique kind of reconciliation, I turned to Pastor Tom Holtey, a chaplain with Hospice of the Red Ri...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 9, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Having “The Talk”: How to Discuss End-of-Life Issues with Parents
Sex and death: It’s odd that these two topics of conversation should bring so much anxiety to parents and children. One addresses the beginning of life, while the other addresses the end. Both are a natural part of the circle of life, but many find that sex is often the easier subject to discuss.
In fact, a national survey conducted in 2018 by The Conversation Project found that 92 percent of Americans say it’s important to discuss their wishes for end-of-life care, but only 32 percent have had such a conversation. Why is it that we are avoiding these discussions with friends and family even though we ful...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 8, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
The Complicated Prostate: Cancer Is a Concern but There's More to Consider
Most younger men don’t spend a lot of time considering the health of their prostate. However, around the age of 50, they’ll likely find that their physicians want to check out prostate health both physically and through blood work known as a prostate-specific antigen (PSA) test. The PSA is not a perfect test, but it’s still used to help detect prostate cancer since there aren’t many alternatives.
National Prostate Cancer Awareness Month is meant to increase the knowledge about possible prostate problems and make certain that men get checked out regularly.
What is the prostate?
The prostate is a small organ locat...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 7, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Siblings Who Feel Shut Out of Caregiving: Yes, It Happens
This article offers a glimpse into another perspective on caregiving: that oft maligned long-distance siblings may actually be excluded by primary caregivers.
Continue reading on Agingcare for discussion about why some caregivers would (sometimes legitimately, other times not) rather go it alone:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Personal Stories. “I hold onto your book as a life preserver and am reading it slowly on purpose...I don't want it to end.” ...Craig William Dayton, Film Composer
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Source: Minding Our Elders - September 6, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Offered Few Choices, Caregivers Still Second-Guess Their Decisions
Photo credit John Mark Smith
Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges.
A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible. One afternoon, it had become evident ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - September 5, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
