Caregiving Is Not a Competitive Sport: The Case for Supporting Caregivers' Unique Decisions
Caregiving. While often rewarding and frequently exhausting, it’s one of many life events that can only be understood if you’ve been intimately involved. This truth is what drives most caregivers to seek support from their peers as well as professionals who can share valuable information. So, what could go wrong in such a well-meaning group?
Normally, all is well in caregiver support groups. People help and comfort one another, offer advice based on what’s worked for them in a similar situation, or just simply offer a much-appreciated hug — virtual or otherwise. This much-needed, well-meaning support can go ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 20, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Memory Caf és Offer Companionship, Resources, and Shared Humor
Dear Readers: I’ve long been interested in Memory Cafés worldwide. Today we’ll explore our local version of this wonderful resource through the words of Deb Kaul, co-founder and executive director of Memory Café of the Red River Valley (MCRRV).
“Even though there are hundreds of Memory Cafés around the world, each of them is individually organized without any organizational structure or governance,” Kaul told me. Her passion is one of the driving forces that’s helped create this place where people living with dementia and their caregivers can find companionship with their peers, helpful resources, and yes – ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 19, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Father ’s Day as a Caregiver: Remembering Dad Before Dementia
This Father’s Day, I’ll have fond memories of my dad, as will many caregivers and adult children. The juxtaposition of the past and present can make these memories bittersweet. But it is important to remember that, regardless of what has happened to our parents as they age, they remain our parents. Cognitive and physical decline do not take away their legacies as adults. We may have to provide care that many would consider demeaning, but, when this care is given out of love, it is never undignified. Part of caregiving with love is keeping in mind that this person is our parent, the person who raised us. Respect a...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Making an Assisted Living Room Feel Like Home
While change is difficult for people of all ages, deviating from the status quo seems to become even more taxing as we get older and more set in our ways. Yet it’s often our elders who are forced to make the most dramatic lifestyle changes. One example is downsizing to assisted living from a family home or condominium. Not only do our loved ones have to leave the familiar environments they are used to, but they must also accept the fact that advancing age and/or increasing health needs necessitate this move.
Tips for Making an Assisted Living Apartment Feel Like Home" Moving to an assisted living facility (A...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Give Your Dad the Best Father ’s Day Gift Ever: Your Attention
Our aging loved ones often repeat the same stories over and over again. As our patience wanes, we blame the repetition on memory issues, but here’s something to think about: there may be another reason for their repetitive stories. As years go by, most of us gain–or attempt to gain–perspective. By retelling personal stories, elders are often, consciously or subconsciously, trying to reframe their life from the perspective of time. If we give them the gift of attentive listening, we may find their stories more interesting and even learn something new about them. Since an elder’s history is part of our own, we ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 16, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Embracing Positive Caregiving Moments Makes Bad Times Tolerable
My nature is generally upbeat. I try to be grateful for my many blessings and not dwell on the negative. However, as a family caregiver, I’m intimately acquainted with difficult days and responsibilities that seem endless. Always aware that I love the people I’ve cared for, there’s still considerable stress and fatigue involved, to say nothing of an occasional pang of “what about me?” I’m assuming most of you can relate.
I’m also assuming that most of you if you think about it, have had some lighter moments while caregiving or even some uplifting, life-enhancing moments never to be forgotten. I know I...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 15, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Elder Care Needs Can Change in an Instant
Photo credit Seth Hays
During the years I cared for multiple elders, I grew to dread the ringing of the telephone. It seemed most calls meant emergencies. One example? My neighbor, Joe, for whom I was the primary caregiver, wore a personal alarm so that he could push a button to notify a dispatch center if he had an emergency. The dispatch center would call him back. If he didn't answer his phone, they'd call me. The moment is frozen in time for me when, just hours after I left his house, my phone rang. It was the dispatch center telling me that Joe had punched the help button and wasn't answering his phone. I ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 14, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Living with Elderly Parents Works for Some, Not Others
Photo credit Simon Godfrey
According to the Caregiving in the U.S. 2020 research report published by the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, 40 percent of family caregivers report that their care recipients live with them. Another common option is for caregivers to move in with their aging parents. Regardless of who moves in with whom, the decision to live with aging parents is a serious one that affects all relationships within a family, careers, finances, and the physical and mental health of everyone involved. For some, the arrangement works out fine. Two or even three generations residing in the same...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 13, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Solo Ager Speaks Up About the Need for Guidance in End-of-Life Planning
Dear Carol: I love your website and columns; however, I want to make a plea for information about how older adults who have no children can plan for their future. My husband and I are in our mid-60s, and he has early-onset Alzheimer’s so he’s in memory care. We have no children and no close family. How do I find someone I can trust to handle my legal decisions as my health declines with age? I don’t even know where to start. Thank you! – WR
Continue reading on Inforum for information and tips about how Solo Agers can set up their legal work as they age:
Minding Our Elders: Caregivers Share Their Perso...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 12, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Elder Care Needs Can Change in an Instant
Photo credit Ivan Samkov
During the years I cared for multiple elders, I grew to dread the ringing of the telephone. It seemed most calls meant emergencies. One example? My neighbor, Joe, for whom I was the primary caregiver, wore a personal alarm so that he could push a button to notify a dispatch center if he had an emergency. The dispatch center would call him back. If he didn't answer his phone, they'd call me. The moment is frozen in time for me when, just hours after I left his house, my phone rang. It was the dispatch center telling me that Joe had punched the help button and wasn't answering his phone. I imme...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 11, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Should I Have to Take Care of My Elderly In-Laws?
Photo credit Sven Mieke
Being a family caregiver doesn’t always stop at caring for our own aging parents. Our significant other’s mom and dad often look to us for care, too, especially if we already have some experience under our belt. Some of us take on this responsibility without hesitation. Our in-laws are our spouse’s parents and our children’s grandparents. Often, we love them, or at least like them. In more difficult cases, relationships with in-laws never really blossomed or have been downright impossible to cultivate.
Regardless of how you feel about your mother-in-law and father-in-law, taking on the care ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 10, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Caregivers: It's Time to Stop Second-Guessing Ourselves
Photo credit John-Mark Smith
Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges.
A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible.
One afternoon, it had become evident th...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 9, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
How Involved Should Families Be When Elders Live in a Senior Living Facility?
Photo credit: John Mark Kuznietosov
Over the course of 15 years, five of my elderly loved ones lived, for various spans of time, in a nearby nursing home. I visited them nearly every day. Some would say I was over-attentive since my elders were getting excellent care in the facility. But I tended to their specific requests that were beyond what the staff could possibly deliver, which made my elders easier for the professionals to care for. Striking a careful balance is crucial when it comes to visits and family involvement at a long-term care facility. There is helpful participation with your loved one, and then the...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 8, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Do Parents Really Want to Live with Their Adult Children?
Photo credit Pexels Robert Stokoe
It’s difficult to pinpoint how many aging parents live with their adult children, but there is certainly a lot more interest in this type of arrangement now than there was a decade ago. Part of the reason for this increase in multigenerational living is the economy. It’s cheaper for two families to live in one house than for each to have a separate home. I believe another significant factor for many adult children is that it seems easier and cheaper for us to care for our aging parents personally than it would be to pay for in-home care or consider a move to assisted living.
Tak...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 7, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Apologizing After Caregiver Stress Causes a Blowup
Photo credit Liza Summer
Caregiving is a stressful job even during the best of times. The sheer amount of responsibility is enough to make the most stoic person falter, but there are also a number of diverse personalities at play. Your care recipient may be grouchy or demanding or your spouse may resent the time you devote to caregiving instead of your relationship. Then there are the people who look on from the outside and offer everything from heartfelt support to scathing criticism.
In such a high-pressure environment, a meltdown is likely to happen from time to time, especially for those who are not getting enough resp...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 6, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
