Sandwich Generation Caregiving Relationships: Trying to Do It All
Caregiving can creep into your life or crash down with a bang, but either way, if we aren’t thinking ahead, we can find that our other relationships suffer. Oh man, I’ve been there.
This is how it often happens: You see your parents a lot since you still live in the same community. So, when your mom falls and breaks her arm, of course, you rush to help. You assist your dad with making some adjustments around the house, and then, for the most part, he takes over. Then, the unthinkable: Your dad has a heart attack. You rush in to help. And then…
I refer to this as the “creep-up factor” because while ma...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 6, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Dementia Caregiving: Some Truths Learned Through Experience
As we travel our own unique journeys, most of us find that certain phrases or concepts take on the status of truth in our worldview. Our personal principles may not be identical to those of others, but we know what is true for us. Below, I’ve shared a few of my own truths that I have adopted throughout my years of caregiving experience. Some are specific to dementia caregivers, but most are also applicable to other elder care scenarios.
My Principles of Dementia Caregiving
Learn about the kind of dementia your loved one has.
The Alzheimer’s Association defines dementia as “an overall term for diseases and conditions...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 5, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Helping vs. Enabling: How to Strike a Balance While Caregiving
Photo credit William Krause
Most family caregivers want what is best for their loved ones, and they’ll do whatever it takes to make that happen. Unfortunately, discerning what’s best for a senior is often easier said than done. In many cases, a loved one’s own desires (or demands) may actually jeopardize their health, erode their independence, and diminish their quality of life. Caregivers are left to walk this thin line between helping care recipients just enough and enabling bad behaviors that may come back to bite both parties. Care decisions are hard enough as it is, but how do you know when you’re enabling an ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 4, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Caregivers Can Troubleshoot and Empathize Without “Fixing” Everything
Photo credit Andrea Picquadio
Dear Carol: My mom, now 87, voluntarily moved to assisted living three years ago. She said at the time that she loved it. She continues to have chronic pain from rheumatoid arthritis and takes medications for the usual age-related issues. Even though she forgets things more often than she used to, she doesn’t seem to have dementia. Lately, though, she’s started complaining about being “forced” to move to “this place,” saying that she hates it. Of course, she likes some caregivers better than others, but nothing major seems to have changed regarding her care. I visit several t...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 3, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Why Does My Older Loved One Sleep All Day?
As people age, they tend to sleep more lightly than when they were younger. Waking up during the night due to achy joints or the need to use the restroom becomes commonplace. Many seniors compensate for this lost sleep by catching a restorative nap during the day. That’s normal. Daytime sleeping only becomes problematic when an elder spends most of their time dozing in bed or their favorite chair instead of engaging in life. If you want your aging loved one to stay awake more during the day and sleep better at night, you will need to discover the underlying reason(s) why they are napping excessively. In some cases,...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 1, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Dating and Caregiving: An Impossible Mix?
Photo credit Alex Pavloff
Back when you were in high school, you likely found that bringing your new love home to meet your parents was a nerve-wracking experience. Mom and Dad were bound to embarrass you in some way, but you got through the awkwardness because you had to. Now fast forward a couple of decades. Who knew that you’d be facing that same scenario all over again? This time, however, you and your parents are both much older and yet the complications have somehow multiplied when it comes to introducing Mom and Dad to new people—especially a new love interest.
Perhaps your parents have dementia and have l...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 30, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Planning a “Picnic” for a Loved One in a Senior Living Community
Photo credit Pexels JeShoots
While most senior living communities offer an array of programs and events, activities directors often work with limited budgets and are challenged to meet their residents’ varied abilities and interests. I was fortunate to have an exceptional nursing home close to my house during my caregiving years, and my parents, my uncle, my mother-in-law, and even an elderly neighbor all resided there at some point.
There were plenty of activities and events offered year-round and on holidays, but the annual summer barbecue and picnic were by far one of the most anticipated events. This nursing home fea...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 29, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Humor Shared Among Caregivers Is Therapeutic
Photo credit Pexels Elevate
I once visited a caregiver friend and her mother, who had moderate Alzheimer’s disease. At one point during the visit, the mother abruptly stood up, held out her hand, and said to me, “You can go now.” I’d been warned that this might happen, and I’d had years of experience with dementia patients, so I wasn’t the least bit offended. Alzheimer's disease has devastating effects on one’s memory, but it also affects judgment and social filters. My friend and I both managed not to laugh at my brusque dismissal; I simply thanked them for the lovely visit and said that it was indeed time f...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 28, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Caregivers Shouldn't Ever Feel Guilty About Calling Hospice
Photo credit Abigail Keenan
A billboard in my city carries a simple message: "Most families say, 'Why did we wait so long to call hospice?' "
When I talk with our local hospice folks, they say that is the message they hear most often. Yet, I understand why people do wait. Calling in hospice for the care of an elderly parent or other a loved one means you need to come to terms, on all levels, with the idea that this person is dying. The person who is dying needs to come to terms with this issue as well, however, from my experience, it's the family who is most reluctant to accept a diagnosis that the disease is termina...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 27, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Caregiver Looking for a Support Group with a Balanced Perspective
Dear Carol: My wonderful dad has Alzheimer’s. I struggle daily with my grief over all that’s been lost but I’m also grateful for what he can still do. As you often advise, I’ve joined some online support groups to see if they can help me feel less alone with my confusing emotions. The problem is that these groups seem to be populated by caregivers at the extremes. They either feel completely beaten or they gloss over the daily challenges of dementia care. Is there a group where I can honestly express how hard it is to see my dad lose so much without getting mired in the negative? – LC
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Source: Minding Our Elders - June 26, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
The Benefits of In-Home Dementia Care
Photo credit Georg Arthur Pflueger
In the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease (AD) or other forms of dementia, seniors frequently choose to remain in the comfort of a familiar home. As limitations increase, frustrations often follow, and overwhelmed family caregivers turn to supportive services to help with the challenges that arise. I certainly took advantage of these services throughout my time caring for multiple seniors, including my parents and an elderly neighbor. The biggest challenge I faced, though, was when I hired professional caregivers for loved ones who had dementia. Back then, home health aides (HHAs) were...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 25, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
Making an Assisted Living Room Feel Like Home
Photo credit Fuad Obasesan
While change is difficult for people of all ages, deviating from the status quo seems to become even more taxing as we get older and more set in our ways. Yet it’s often our elders who are forced to make the most dramatic lifestyle changes. One example is downsizing to assisted living from a family home or condominium. Not only do our loved ones have to leave the familiar environments they are used to, but they must also accept the fact that advancing age and/or increasing health needs necessitate this move.
Tips for Making an Assisted Living Apartment Feel Like Home: Moving to an ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 24, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
The Hidden Costs of Assisted Living
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Assisted living costs vary by location, but it’s also important to know how senior communities structure their fees. Many caregivers are surprised to find that services like help with bathing and dressing aren’t included in the monthly rates. During my caregiving years, I was stretched thin between caring for multiple elders, raising my children, and working. I resorted to using the services of two different home care agencies to fill the gaps in my care plans when I couldn’t be there for my loved ones. In my situation, the biggest advantage of using in-home care providers was adding o...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 23, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
5 Ways to Get an Older Adult to Smile
Photo credit Pexels - Beytlik
Despite increasing awareness of and sensitivity to ageism in our society, age-related stereotypes about stubborn, grumpy seniors persist. Chronic health conditions, changes in functioning, and the loss of loved ones pose physical and emotional challenges that can bring even the most cheerful elders down from time to time, but depression and irritability are not normal parts of aging. In fact, research shows that perceptions of life and overall happiness actually tend to improve with age.
The rollercoaster of life is full of ups and downs at all ages. During these fleeting low points, it is nat...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 22, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
How to Discuss End-of-Life Issues with Older Parents
Photo credit Nathan Anderson
In my experience, I’ve found that it isn’t always seniors who avoid talking about death. Some do, of course, but many of our aging loved ones would like to discuss the legal and financial arrangements they’ve made, as well as their preferences for end-of-life care and who they would like to handle their medical decisions if they were to become incapacitated. On the other hand, adult children often find excuses to delay frank discussions about serious illness and death. Few of us like to consider the fact that our parents will die, but nothing will change this truth. In actuality, avoiding...
Source: Minding Our Elders - June 21, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs
