Conflict with Mother Complicates Daughter ’s Efforts to Help Dad
Photo credit Tuva Mathilde Loland Conflict with mother complicates daughter’s efforts to help dad Dear Carol: My mother’s always been mean to me, her only daughter, so it’s not surprising that we have a strained relationship. I’ve had years of counseling and continue with maintenance. My concern is that my dad has dementia and is under my mother’s care. She’s impatient with him and is, in general, a terrible caregiver. She won’t listen to me when I mention resources for her, and she has no interest in learning how to work with his disease. Though he’s always been intimidated by her, he's a sweet, kind perso...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

The Aftermath of Long-Term Caregiving: Is Stress the New Normal?
I believe caregiving changes us forever. Much of the change is positive. We become more compassionate toward those who have physical and mental difficulties. We become more understanding when we see a person who is trying to cope in public with an unruly child or an adult who has dementia. We become larger people because we've experienced more difficulty. We've gone the distance, doing what we can to improve another's life, and we are better for it. The hard part can be letting go of a crisis state of mind even when it no longer relates to our new reality. Yet, when we don't learn to let go of the stress...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 16, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

The Aftermath of Long-Term Caregiving: Is Stress the New Normal?
I believe caregiving changes us forever. Much of the change is positive. We become more compassionate toward those who have physical and mental difficulties. We become more understanding when we see a person who is trying to cope in public with an unruly child or an adult who has dementia. We become larger people because we've experienced more difficulty. We've gone the distance, doing what we can to improve another's life, and we are better for it. The hard part can be letting go of a crisis state of mind even when it no longer relates to our new reality. Yet, when we don't learn to let go of the stresso...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 16, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Not Everyone Is Cut Out to Be a Caregiver
Each of us is unique, with our own talents and flaws. Often, our so-called faults are merely ways in which we differ from society’s ever-changing expectations. For example, it used to be a given that married couples would have children if possible. Currently, a significant number of couples are choosing to be childfree. Are they selfish? No. They simply know what they want out of their lives and understand that being parents probably isn’t the best choice for them or their potential children. Similarly, some people have the insight to recognize that they wouldn’t be able to provide daily hands-on care for a bel...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 15, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

The Best Ways to Support a Caregiving Spouse
Photo credit Shukhrat Umarov When people get married, they quickly learn that they have made a commitment to more than one person. Essentially you marry your spouse’s whole family. Sometimes in-laws are a wonderful addition. Other times, they can be a challenge or a source of tension in a marriage. Regardless of the nature of your relationship with your spouse’s family, as your in-laws age, it is likely that more and more responsibility for their well-being will creep into your lives. As your husband or wife takes on the role of family caregiver, they will need your emotional support at the very least. Ideally, y...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 14, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Confabulation in Dementia Can Feel Like Hurtful Lies
Photo credit Anleale Najera When a person develops any form of dementia, it is difficult for family and friends to witness their diminishing capacity and the unbearable frustration it brings. One of the worst things we dementia caregivers must cope with is the fact that a loved one’s brain is broken and may cause them to tell terrible “lies” about us. Neurological damage can cause patients to make up hurtful stories and level false accusations toward their caregivers. No matter how far-fetched the untruths and accusations might be, a dementia patient believes these things are true. As much as these untruths may hur...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 13, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Confabulation in Dementia Can Feel Like Hurtful Lies
Photo credit Anleale Najera When a person develops any form of dementia, it is difficult for family and friends to witness their diminishing capacity and the unbearable frustration it brings. One of the worst things we dementia caregivers must cope with is the fact that a loved one’s brain is broken and may cause them to tell terrible “lies” about us. Neurological damage can cause patients to make up hurtful stories and level false accusations toward their caregivers. No matter how far-fetched the untruths and accusations might be, a dementia patient believes these things are true. As much as these untruths may hurt...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 13, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

When We Become Caregivers, Friends May Disappear
Photo credit Meghan Holmes Most people have not personally provided care for a loved one and therefore cannot fully understand everything that goes into being a family caregiver. While this role can provide many gratifying moments and opportunities, the truth is that it’s often intense, exhausting, and worrisome. Being on-call around the clock is both physically and emotionally draining. As a result, a caregiver’s other relationships can easily fall by the wayside. Friendships are usually the first to suffer as caregiving causes a person’s priorities and availability to change. In situations where caregivers and the...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 12, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

When We Become Caregivers, Friends May Disappear
Photo credit Meghan Holmes Most people have not personally provided care for a loved one and therefore cannot fully understand everything that goes into being a family caregiver. While this role can provide many gratifying moments and opportunities, the truth is that it’s often intense, exhausting, and worrisome. Being on-call around the clock is both physically and emotionally draining. As a result, a caregiver’s other relationships can easily fall by the wayside. Friendships are usually the first to suffer as caregiving causes a person’s priorities and availability to change. In situations where caregivers and thei...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 12, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

It's Time for Caregivers to Stop Second-Guessing Themselves
Photo credit Liza Summer Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges. A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible. One afternoon, it had become evident tha...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 11, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

It's Time for Caregivers to Stop Second-Guessing Themselves
Photo credit Liza Summer Like most adults, I’ve second-guessed many of my own decisions. While most were made with my own future in mind, that all changed when I became a family caregiver for an ever-increasing number of older adults – a time that also coincided with raising two young children, one with health challenges. A dying aunt, a budding son: My aunt Marion, who had no children of her own, was in the hospital dying of cancer. While my parents visited her much of the time, I’d been close to her since I first learned to walk, so I tried to see her as much as possible. One afternoon, it had become evident that M...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 11, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

A Summer Roundup of Caregiver and Elder-Friendly Products, Services, and Technology
Photo image credit Jelly Drops (image of the inventor and his grandma!) Dear Readers: It’s once again time for what has become a bi-annual look at products and services available to caregivers and/or older adults. I’m better acquainted with some of these products and services than others, and in some cases, I note that. Unless I say otherwise these mentions are not meant as an endorsement. Let’s go… Clothing CareZips: Joe & Bella is a new, modern adaptive-apparel brand for older adults. Their newest line is CareZips® by Joe & Bella, a patented easy-dressing pant for adults living with changes due to incontin...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 10, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

How Caregiving Can Change Your Personality
There’s no getting around it: being a family caregiver is bound to impact how you think and who you are as a person. Taking on this high-stress role that is both physically and mentally demanding can be transformative, especially when you consider that the average duration of caregiving is 4.5 years. Some members of the caregiver forum worry that their personality changes are largely negative. Certainly, stress, exhaustion, and overwhelming responsibilities can take a serious toll on one’s physical and mental health. Caregiver burnout is notorious for sneaking up on even the most organized and level-headed indivi...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 9, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Respecting Diverse Approaches to Caregiving
There is no one-size-fits-all approach to caregiving. Every family caregiver must be free to make choices that work best for their unique situation. Even then, the available options aren’t always ideal. In this demanding role, we must acknowledge the reality of our individual situation and give it our noblest effort. Unfortunately, with other family members, friends, elder care professionals, fellow caregivers, and the public looking on, it isn’t uncommon to receive a harsh word or two while we juggle these difficult responsibilities. Being human, I suppose we all second-guess others’ choices from time to time, at le...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 8, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Recognizing Caregiver Burnout
Photo credit Karolina Grabowska Caregiver burnout isn’t something that happens all at once. We all have good days and bad days, which is normal. Eventually, though, we may find ourselves inching dangerously close to a meltdown over a situation that would have been considered a mild irritation prior to caregiving. The future begins to look bleak, and our responsibilities seem endless. That’s when you know you’ve reached a breaking point. So, how do you spot and extinguish the small fires that, left smoldering, can eventually lead to burnout? What do you do if you feel your nerves are already fried? The best appr...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 7, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs