Exploring the Concept of Single Gender Senior Living
A friend and I recently toured a veteran's home in a midsize Minnesota town. The facility was beautifully designed and superbly run. The only thing that struck me as unusual was that I didn't notice any women. Then I read the client roster. It showed that some female veterans and/or wives of veterans also live there, so while the abundance of mostly World War II-era veterans were men, women were also part of the home's population. About a week later, I was asked to write about gender-specific care homes. Naturally, this assignment brought to mind my thoughts about the veteran's facility. I was thoroughly impressed b...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 28, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

How Caregiving Can Help Us Rethink the Meaning of Motherhood
Photo credit Andrea Piacquadio To me, the definition of a mother is someone who nurtures. Yes, carrying a child in your womb for months and then giving birth creates a lifelong bond, but I feel it’s the unconditional support of a child throughout life that defines this role. Many children face significant challenges as they grow up—some more than others. Even so, when a child knows there is someone they can always count on during difficult times and share wonderful times with, their development and quality of life are significantly enhanced. This nurturing presence is symbolized by motherhood, but it does not ne...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 27, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Hindsight Can Be a Blessing or a Curse for Caregivers
Photo credit Nathan Cowley They say hindsight is 20/20. But things from the past that may seem “clear” to you now can still be distorted by difficult emotions—especially when it comes to something as impactful as caregiving. Now that you have some experience under your belt, imagine that you could go back in time. What would you say to your novice self about how to be a caregiver? As a seasoned caregiver myself, I can choose to ruminate over my perceived failures, or I can choose to forgive myself for being imperfect and recognize that I did the best I could at the time. You have the same choice. Much like an...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 26, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Dr. Barry Jacobs: The steps families should take to plan for adult caregiving
Dear Readers: Barry J. Jacobs, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist, and family therapist, is a leading educator about family caregiving. One reason for his effectiveness is that he has been a caregiver himself. I sent Dr. Jacobs a note explaining a question that I’d received about preparing for caregiving and expected a brief quote in return. However, in accordance with his generous nature, he provided so much more. Therefore, this week, I’m honored to have Dr. Jacobs answer our reader who wondered how to plan for caregiving:  The fact that you are already thinking about caregiving and beginning to plan is half th...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 25, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Family Caregiver feels Guilty About Taking a Once-In-a-Lifetime Vacation
Dear Carol: My dad was a tireless caregiver to my mom until she died. Sadly, just a couple of years later, he started showing signs of dementia. Since then, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and eventually moved to memory care. They provide excellent, compassionate care, but he’s used to my daily visits. My best friend has an opportunity for a once-in-a-lifetime vacation and has asked me to join her. Intellectually, I understand that I should grab this and go. Emotionally, I’m terribly conflicted, so guilt is lowering my expectation of having fun. Do I go anyway? – BC Continue reading on Inforum for more a...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 24, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

When We Become Caregivers, Friends May Disappear
Photo credit Christian Fregnan Most people have not personally provided care for a loved one and therefore cannot fully understand everything that goes into being a family caregiver. While this role can provide many gratifying moments and opportunities, the truth is that it’s often intense, exhausting and worrisome. Being on-call around the clock is both physically and emotionally draining. As a result, a caregiver’s other relationships can easily fall by the wayside. Friendships are usually the first to suffer as caregiving causes a person’s priorities and availability to change. In situations where caregivers and...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 23, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

How to Be a True Friend to a Family Caregiver
Photo credit Natalia Figuredo Family caregivers often find that their social circles shrink over time. Casual friends are typically the first to drift away because a caregiver is too busy to get together, but close friends may disappear eventually as well. These friends are not bad people, though. More than likely, they don’t know how to help a caregiver and they find it easier to share their time with people whose lives are less complicated. If you are just a casual friend to someone who is caring for an ill or aging loved one, then perhaps it’s best to remain that way. However, some of you want to do mor...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 22, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

14 Phrases for Caregivers to Consider Along the Way
Photo credit Aaron Burden Life isn’t easy for most people, and it’s not perfect for anybody. Sometimes, as we trudge through the days providing help for our care receivers, it’s nice to retrieve a thought or two that can encourage us to keep on doing what we do.  Below are a few suggestions that may help: There is no such thing as a perfect caregiver. First of all, we are flawed human beings. Our care receivers are also flawed human beings who are likely unhappy about life events that have put them in a vulnerable position. Their wants and needs are ever-changing. We can’t be expected to know what ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 21, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Minding Our Elders Blogs Newsletter: The Pains of Change
  Dear Patient Readers,   The good news: It looks as if you won't need to resubscribe so I'm deleting the old list. The duplicate email should disappear in a day or two. If you find that for some reason you are not receiving your newsletters, please just resubscribe in the right margin here on www.mindingorueldersblogs.com. I don't expect that to happen, but tech is, well tech. The growing pains: *Speaking of tech, it's showing its underwear in the top panel with a bunch of gibberish. That should be gone by your next email. * Also, I'm working on a second option for a digest. In a few days, those of you who...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 20, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Specialized Moving Services Ease Transitions to Senior Living Communities
Photo credit Alex Mecl When an elderly parent transitions from their home to assisted living, independent living, nursing home, or a relative’s home, it can be a stressful experience. Mary Jo Zeller, a senior move manager at Gero Solutions in Chicago, says this move is a major life event. “It’s as monumental as getting married or having a baby, but emotionally, it is more akin to grieving a loss.”  In addition to difficult emotions, the seniors and their family members face a whole host of challenges. What can they bring to their new home? What do they leave behind? What happens to belongings they can’t ...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 19, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Changes (Good Ones) Coming for Subscribers to Minding Our Elders Blogs
Hello to my wonderful readers! Just a note to tell you I'm in the process of updating the newsletter format. While the newer version should be visually more pleasant, the biggest benefit will be to allow you to alter your email preferences. This means that you'll be able to choose a digest form rather than the daily emails that many prefer.  The downside is that you'll need to resubscribe to continue receiving the Minding Our Elders newsletter. It's not hard. You'll receive a confirmation email just as you did when you originally signed up. Then, you'll need to confirm, but in the process, you can make your prefere...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 19, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Should Your Elderly Loved One Move in With You?
Photo credit Alex Pavloff Decades ago, it was fairly common to have grandparents living with family and it often worked well. It did for my family. My parents built a new house that could accommodate all the different generations and afforded some privacy for all. Grandma moved in, and the arrangement worked. My mom did not work outside the home, so there was nearly always someone home with Grandma. I was also a born caregiver and gladly did what I could to help with both my toddler sister and my grandmother. These days, having an aging loved one move in is still an option for some families, but it has become more compli...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

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Photo credit Alex Pavloff Decades ago, it was fairly common to have grandparents living with family and it often worked well. It did for my family. My parents built a new house that could accommodate all the different generations and afforded some privacy for all. Grandma moved in, and the arrangement worked. My mom did not work outside the home, so there was nearly always someone home with Grandma. I was also a born caregiver and gladly did what I could to help with both my toddler sister and my grandmother. These days, having an aging loved one move in is still an option for some families, but it has become more compli...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

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Photo credit Alex Pavloff Decades ago, it was fairly common to have grandparents living with family and it often worked well. It did for my family. My parents built a new house that could accommodate all the different generations and afforded some privacy for all. Grandma moved in, and the arrangement worked. My mom did not work outside the home, so there was nearly always someone home with Grandma. I was also a born caregiver and gladly did what I could to help with both my toddler sister and my grandmother. These days, having an aging loved one move in is still an option for some families, but it has become more complica...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 18, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs

Conflict with Mother Complicates Daughter ’s Efforts to Help Dad
Photo credit Tuva Mathilde Loland Conflict with mother complicates daughter’s efforts to help dad Dear Carol: My mother’s always been mean to me, her only daughter, so it’s not surprising that we have a strained relationship. I’ve had years of counseling and continue with maintenance. My concern is that my dad has dementia and is under my mother’s care. She’s impatient with him and is, in general, a terrible caregiver. She won’t listen to me when I mention resources for her, and she has no interest in learning how to work with his disease. Though he’s always been intimidated by her, he's a sweet, kind per...
Source: Minding Our Elders - July 17, 2022 Category: Geriatrics Authors: Carol Bradley Bursack Source Type: blogs