Forgiveness: Yes? No? Maybe?

“My step-father abused me, and my mother is always telling me to forgive and forget.” Jodie shook her head ruefully. “And how is that going for you?” I ask. “Not so good,” Jodie replies, “I’m not doing a good job at all.” Alex shares, “My counselor told me if I don’t forgive my uncle for raping me, then I’m allowing him to live rent-free in my head.” “And how is that going for you?” I ask. “Not so good,” Alex cries, “I feel like I’m failing at recovery!” Both Jodie and Alex — and countless other survivors I work with — have been instructed that to forgive and to forget is the road to real recovery. Yet both of them feel stuck. And, worse yet, they both feel it is their fault that they are unable to put the past behind them. The wound of abuse can be so traumatic and pervasive that it often becomes “life’s core issue.” And despite a survivor’s best intentions to move on from the agony and the injury, the body never fails “to keep the score” of unresolved pain. 1, 2 What’s up with all this forgiveness? Many religions teach that we become better people if we learn to turn the other cheek, to forgive, and not harbor resentment. Some believe that to NOT forgive allows the assailant the power to live on in our hearts, and self-help programs often counsel, “Anger is a luxury we cannot afford.” Books on forgiveness exhort us to Forgive and Forget; Unconditional Forgiveness: A Simple and Proven M...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Abuse PTSD Trauma Violence and Aggression Anger Forgiveness Rape Resentment Sexual Abuse Sexual Assault Sexual Trauma Source Type: blogs