What the Long-Married Have in Common

I have been fortunate to know many couples who have been married 40 years or more. In some couples, the two are like the proverbial two peas in a pod. Sometimes the two are so different, it makes other people marvel that they have been together for decades. Over the last year, I’ve been talking to 7 married couples who are happily together after many, many years to see if there are any identifiable commonalities among them.  There are. Straight or gay, regardless of background, the people in each couple have shared ideas of what they expect from themselves and each other. It may sound unromantic, but early on they made what I’m calling a kind of “contract.” For some, it was explicit; the result of hours of talking and working things through during courtship and the early years of marriage. For others, it has been unstated but understood. Somehow, they just got each other from the beginning. Regardless, these marriages have withstood the ups and downs of life over decades because both members have lived up to their shared expectations about the areas they agreed were most important.  Each couples’ “contract” includes most of the following topics, although the order of importance varies by couple. Do note: This was not a formal study. It is an account of what emerged in conversations with elderly friends and their couple friends as we talked about their experience. Their roles: Regardless of others’ feelings about the “rightness” of a particular style...
Source: World of Psychology - Category: Psychiatry & Psychology Authors: Tags: Marriage and Divorce Source Type: blogs