learning to breathe

Last year, when I was diagnosed with a brain tumour and went through surgery, I was fine.I mean, the surgery was brutal and recovery was excruciating but emotionally, I was mostly OK.A year later, except for the back of my head (which is a little bit sensitive), I'm fine physically but the emotional part has become more of a challenge. In the last few months, it's become clear to me that I'm only going to work through it all with a little outside help.So, I'm seeing a therapist. I know it's the right thing to do and I like and instinctively trust the woman I'm working with but it's not easy at all. We've talked about how all my life, I've been pretty good at getting along by stuffing a lot of my fear and anger into an emotional closet. This has, for the most part, been a remarkable coping mechanism. However, no door is completely effective at shutting out the bad stuff and, when it leaks out through the cracks, it manifests itself in ways that can take a very large toll on the body and spirit. At this point in my life, my emotional closet is so full of anger and fear that the door is in danger of bursting wide open. I'm afraid of losing control.I'm embarrassed and ashamed that some of it is so ugly.And I'm scared of taking my darkest thoughts and holding them up to the light.But I think it needs to happen.I've also been thinking a lot about how I live most of my life in my head, to the point that I'm really quite disconnected from my own body. At my very first sessi...
Source: Not just about cancer - Category: Cancer Tags: brain metastasis breast cancer cancer blog complementary treatment conversations fear pissed off things i do for my health Source Type: blogs