Answer to the question: How do you let go of the expectation that your family of origin will somehow magically change?

It’s Q&A time again. This one comes from ‘Indi’ who is asking…
As another survivor once put it, “We have to stop expecting hugs from people who have no arms.” A terrible expression, yes, but an apt metaphor for the dynamic between the adult child who has survived her violent and otherwise abusive dysfunctional family. It’s right up there with “Stop trying to buy oranges from the hardware store.” It’s just not going to happen.The soul searching I’ve been doing dur. my break away from romantic relationships and dating brought me back to my family of origin. Going ag. the advice of my former spiritual teacher/counselor, in a temp. state of loneliness, loss, and survivor guilt, I reached out to both my sister and my cousin .Both of these women are themselves deeply wounded and hardened from our upbringing, and neither of them is in “recovery.” I know my expectations were off. But can you blame a sister for trying? I don’t know what I expected, but at least now I can see how I did the same thing in my last two relationships. I am learning.My sister’s rec. behavior parallels that of my former “telephone Romeo”–all talk, “I love you’s,” and no action. Like my former “player,” my cousin jumps around from job to job, state to state, expecting me to be there for her when she is in crisis, but does not know how to give back. She preach...

Source: Addiction Recovery Blog - August 8, 2013 Category: Addiction Authors: Addiction Recovery Author Tags: Alcoholic Recovery Source Type: blogs