Current versus Memory-Triggered Emotions

Clients sometimes get confused when I encourage them to experience all their emotions, yet unconsciously discourage them from dwelling on feelings that trickle up unbidden from the past. This advice is a bit confusing, I admit. So, let me explain. There’s a difference, at times obvious and at times subtle, between emotions that spring from a current event or interaction and those that are triggered by memory. For instance, if a friend is often late and, because of this, you end up entering a movie after it has started, you may have appropriate feelings of annoyance or anger. You’d want to connect to these feelings to rationally decide how to handle them—mention something when your friend arrives, wait until you’re having coffee after the movie, etc. However, in this same example, if your friend arrives late and your memory coughs up all the times your alcoholic father strolled in late for parent-teacher conferences or school recitals and failed to keep his promises in general, you may have a more intense reaction. You may become so paralyzed with fear or rage that you can’t say a word to your friend or, conversely, start screaming that you can’t be friends with her and storm off.  See the difference? In the first scenario, you’re reacting in the present (which includes recent history with your unreliable friend), feeling hurt or disappointed and using your cognitive abilities to decide how to deal with the situation. In the second, you...
Source: Normal Eating - Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Source Type: blogs