What happens when a caregiver wants to retire?

In June, my wife Deb and I rented a cottage in Maine and enjoyed a short vacation. We took early morning walks on the beach with the dog, ate our fill of steamed clams and lobster, caught up on our reading under the beach umbrella and shopped at LL Bean. I also did a bit of kayaking in the estuaries and along the rocky coast. As always, we came away with faint suntans (thanks to SPF 30) and our familiar fantasy about moving up to Maine in retirement. Over dinner at the Oarweed restaurant, we even talked about it like it was a real prospect. But the vacation ended, and as always, reality set in, and we knew Maine would remain a fantasy for a while longer. One of the aspects of caring for an elderly parent, as I do for my father, is that when you consider a big life change, such as a move, you have to include them in the plan. Life spans being what they are, we had always assumed that by the time retirement was upon us, my father would be gone. Well, Pops turned 91 this year and despite two strokes, prostate cancer, diabetes and high blood pressure, he shows no sign of going anywhere. This retirement-life change dilemma is a common issue in caregiving, and in fact has occurred in our own family before. Some years ago, when my wife’s parents got to retirement age, they desperately wanted to escape the snows of New Hampshire for Florida. After anguishing over it for some time, they moved Deb’s 80-some-year-old maternal grandmother – who had lived in and hated Florida – in...
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