That darn rollercoaster again

The ocean is full of swells, whitecapped, surf blown off their creamy turquoise crests like whipped cream. Joy descends pell-mell into crushing sorrow. Sorrow billows up and out and beyond and there is joy again, waiting.The choices seems to be diminishing before me as the doors in a long hall as you walk down it, paths untaken disappearing behind your footsteps. Would He - could He - be the funnel that drives me down to this narrow opening? Has He orchestrated so closely? Or am I falling prey to the mind games of anxiety, the whispers of the enemy hissing hesitation into my soul?Oh, for rest, for rest. Oh for breath, for breath. My mouth is full of seawater. I need strength to keep swimming.O Lord, I think I'm fallingTo my disbeliefI'm cursing like a sailor and lying like a thiefIt's hard to heed the calling from the better side of meWhen I'm blaming everybody else and no one's coming cleanO Lord, can you see my thick skin wearing thinAnd the demons of a lesser me are beckoning me inThose who gathered 'round me - I'm watching them all leaveCause I am my own ragged companyYou can take a trip to China or take a boat to Spaintake a blue canoe around the world and never come back againBut traveling don't change a thing, it only makes it worseUnless the trip you take is in to change your cruel course'Cause every town's got a mirror and every mirror still shows meThat I am my own ragged companyO Lord it's lonely, Lord it's mighty coldAnd I don't want to live this wayAfraid of grow...

Source: Turquoise Gates - March 15, 2013 Category: Cancer Tags: choices ocean emotions can I? suffering questions without answers grace God's will Source Type: blogs