8/4/18: Who or What Was I?

First the sort of good news. A court date will be set on Monday for the finalization of my divorce. That is good news because I will finally have money to support myself.Living with Cher and her family has been a Godsend. I feel so much better.What truly, truly breaks my heart so much is Blake. We were so very close, it developed into an emotional affair that started so innocently. He even talked about us being together when his wife passed away which would make me upset and I would tell him to stop.Once Mark moved out, he got very aggressive about coming over and it got physical, but we never had sex. Now that I think about it, why in the world would I ever wish that somehow we would end up together? I consider everything he did hard core cheating on his wife.I am driving myself crazy trying to figure out if his wife is even sick.He ’s like the one thing in my life right now that keeps me from being peaceful and looking forward to my future. I constantly wonder if he is judging me, thinks less of me, etc.Supposedly we are supposed to be close friends, but I have been trying to tell him I have good news since yesterday. I told him for the second time at 8:30, joked he hadn ’t responded about it (except for a picture of his son the night before, did not ask about my good news although I asked about his daughter’s rehearsal) at 10:30.Facebook Messenger says he logged on an hour ago.He ’s not a close friend. He’s not someone I can call first and tell good or bad news. ...
Source: bipolar.and.me - Category: Psychiatry Source Type: blogs