Becoming Emotionally Self-Reliant

By Leo Babauta I’m the first to admit that for many years, I have been a bit emotionally needy. Not in a crazy, desperate way, but in the way that many of us are. I wanted someone else to make me happy, blamed others for my unhappiness, sought to fulfill my emotional needs through others. This caused all kinds of problems I didn’t even realize were there: I’d have relationship problems because if the other person wasn’t meeting my needs, I’d resent it. I’d be unhappy lots of the time, because I thought happiness was outside of me, and therefore it was unreliable and elusive. I was helpless, because if other people are supposed to make me happy and fulfill my needs, then what could I do if they didn’t? What could I do if they hurt me instead? Only in the last few years have I been becoming more emotionally self-reliant. It’s made my relationships better, and has greatly increased my happiness. I can’t claim to be an expert on this topic, but I can share some things I’ve been learning. It’s a very, very useful process, as those who are already emotionally independent can attest to. Test Yourself Are you emotionally dependent? Ask yourself these questions: Are you looking for a romantic partner to make you happy? If you have a partner, do you look to this person for love, for sex, for support, for reassurance, for validation? Are you upset if your partner doesn’t react in a certain way, doesn’...
Source: Zen Habits - Category: Life Coaches Authors: Tags: Happiness Source Type: blogs