Venting versus Complaining

There’s a fine line between sharing intense negative feelings, called venting, and their morphing into gripes and grumbles that seem to have a life of their own. The former is a useful way to manage emotions in the short-term, while the latter actually adds considerably to emotional distress. Therefore, it pays to be able to distinguish between the two. When we feel as if we can’t take it any more, we often vent—about a boss’s constant criticism, our partner’s habits, harried lives, difficult children, or chronic illness. If we’ve picked the right people to vent to (active listeners, for one), we receive validation for our feelings, a sharing of comparable experiences or reactions, and assurance that anyone would feel similarly in our situation. We then experience a release of mental and physical tension and, relieved, we are ready to let go and move on. However, there’s a particular way of sharing which turns into chronic carping, reinforces negative feelings, and increases a sense of victimhood. For instance, way back in social work school, I'd observe that students would hang out in small knots in the hallways and cafeteria after classes and exams and share frustrations about course work, professors, internships, and general academic pressures. The idea was to blow off steam and feel as if they were all in the same boat which created a kind of we’ll-get-through-it-together camaraderie. Often, however, these klatches became gripe sessions, with the same...
Source: Normal Eating - Category: Eating Disorders Authors: Source Type: blogs